London, Maine, and A Lot of Cat Poop

Posted on August 10, 2011


Life in the Boomer Lane spent all of July in London.  She owned one grandson when she arrived, two by the time she left.  LBL was able to produce the second grandson with little or no physical discomfort and subsequently no need to bare a breast in public or have her sleep interrupted several times during the night. She did, however, leave London with the exact amount of weight added to her frame (8 lbs 13 oz) as her daughter lost as a result of the birth.

Three days after LBL arrived home, Now Husband and LBL left for their annual week in Maine to visit Glenda, one of LBL’s closest friends and her husband, Ralph.  Glenda has, in addition to having built a house across the street from the beach, situated herself across  from the house Kara Dioguardi (songwriter and former American Idol judge) subsequently purchased.  This is significant because unbeknownst to LBL, a lot of people search for Kara on WordPress.  When LBL wrote about Maine last year and innocently mentioned Kara’s name, her hits went through the roof, handily displacing the “fat Monopoly man” search in which people usually find LBL.

Maine was fun, in spite of the absence of Kara, who was traveling elsewhere on the Famous People Planet.  LBL had to make do with close friendship, stellar surroundings, perfect weather, and a never-ending supply of great food and alcoholic beverages.  LBL was a real trooper and she got through it.  And, because Ralph restores antique motorcycles, NH was able to wallow in panheads, timing chains, and transmission shift pins.

They left early Sunday morning.  LBL suspected that her Fun Investment Account was about to go the way of her Retirement Investment Account.  They drove many hours in pouring rain, the rest stop was out of her usual turkey and brie on a French roll, and NH’s GPS acquired the same characteristics of both dementia and passive-aggressive behavior as hers.  Back home, the four potted plants on the side of the garage had expired, the suspicious blob on the end of Miracle the Cat’s nose looked even more suspicious than usual, and LBL considered throwing out all the dirty clothes in her suitcase instead of washing them, since nothing actually fit her any longer.  On Monday, the stock market crashed in earnest, and her mail consisted of six bills and 11 credit card solicitations.

But her only real question was, how does Kara Dioguardi deal with all the overflowing litter boxes when she gets back from her trip?

Posted in: humor, travel