Labor can be eerily similar to being a Christian during Roman times and being thrown to the lions. Except you don’t even start out with any kind of weapon to defend yourself with. And, unless you deliver your baby on the floor at Club Med on Greek Party Night, there aren’t people in togas, cheering. The good news is that, in most cases, there is no actual starving lion in the delivery room, and women tend to forget about labor pains right after the baby is born.
A similar, if often under-discussed form of amnesia occurs when we make the shift from motherhood to grandmotherhood. Luckily for most of us, grandparenthood coincides very nicely with a general loss of brain cells. We forget the names of ordinary objects, people, and places. We forget past offenses and past indiscretions. We forget where we placed the ability to have instant orgasms. A major change is how we experience grandmotherhood differently than we experienced motherhood.
Our Labor and Delivery: Refer to Paragraph 1. You may also Google “popular torture techniques during the Spanish Inquisition,”
Our Children’s Labor and Delivery: We have no idea what happens because we are either on vacation somewhere or home sleeping or in the hospital waiting room, considering the choices from the vending machine. Even if we are in the labor and delivery room as the drama unfolds, we are usually distracted by thoughts like considering our vending machine choices.
Our newborns being fussy: Oh shit. Considerations of whether there might be a time limit on returns.
Our grandchildren being fussy: Fussy babies are indicative of a strong personality and a real future in politics.
Our babies waking up: Oh shit. Didn’t I just put them to sleep?
Our grandchildren waking up: Indicative of superior intelligence and a desire to experience fully what life has to offer.
Our newborns staring aimlessly into space: Concern that Husband’s gene pool might be sub-standard.
Our grandchildren staring aimlessly into space: Fascinating and indicative of powers of contemplation usually seen only in Enlightened Beings such as the Dalai Lama and La Leche League coaches.
Our newborns having endless poopie diapers: Oh. Shit. Again. Fears of this baby having a serious design flaw.
Our grandchildren having endless poopie diapers: We only wish our intestinal systems worked as well.
Our newborns screaming when their diapers are being changed: An assault on both our ears and our noses.
Our grandchildren screaming when their diapers are being changed: An intelligent response to an indignity. Creepy thoughts of ourselves in 20-30 years, minus the cute factor.
Our newborns falling asleep: Thank. You. God.
Our grandchildren falling asleep: Too soon. We were only on Step 6 of “The Ants Go Marching One by one.”
More later, when we explore the dramatic differences between our toddlers and our toddler grandchildren.
Carl D'Agostino
July 18, 2011
O you are so very right. Grandkids can do no evil. You have really captured the double standard professed by grandparents. I think it’s one of the best things you’ve written and can’t wait to see more. Now I am going to call to yell at my daughter for yelling at the grandkids. What is wrong with her anyway?
lifeintheboomerlane
July 18, 2011
Hey, thanks Carl. I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience.
georgettesullins
July 18, 2011
You’re right. There’s nothing like it.
Our newborns needing a sitter…already!: Damn…I have to go to the doctor. Who can I ask?
Our grandbabies needing a sitter: Ask me! Ask me!
lifeintheboomerlane
July 18, 2011
Good one!
Kathryn McCullough
July 18, 2011
I don’t have kids or grandkids, but I love the line–“Fussy babies are indicative of a strong personality and a real future in politics.”
Great post, Renee!
Kathy
Walker
July 18, 2011
The beautifully written post of a woman in the throes of grandparenting. Isn’t it amazing how indulgent we can be with all the little stuff that drove us crazy years ago!
I hope all is going smoothly now.
lifeintheboomerlane
July 18, 2011
“In the throes” is right. I barely recognize this person. All is well. The baby is totally zen, and my daughter and SIL are terrific parents. I’d say it brings back memories, but my life wasn’t like that at all!
Lunar Euphoria
July 18, 2011
Sounds like you’re having a blast! 😀
lifeintheboomerlane
July 18, 2011
I am. I never thought I could be so deleriously happy to change poopie diapers, rock a fussy baby to sleep, and wake up at 6AM with a two year old. I’ve lost my mind.
Tori Nelson
July 18, 2011
LOVE this post. Not a day has gone by that my dad and Guest Room Dweller doesn’t laugh in the face of parenting. Temper tantrums? Poop painting? Teething shrieks? It’s a lot more precious when you’ve been there, done that, and get to watch your daughter (one Miss Sleep Disorder) fret because her baby missed a nap 🙂 His favorite quote is “Never have children, only grandchildren” and I think he might be right!
lifeintheboomerlane
July 18, 2011
I wish I could go back in time and do it over. Maybe I wouldn’t stay up all night reading Dr Spock and being convinced that my failure to parent correctly would result in non-literate, non-weight or height appropriate, unhealthy children who would in later years spend a lot of time shooting people from clock towers . Uh, on second thought, I’ll stay a grandparent.
Deborah the Closet Monster
July 18, 2011
I look forward to experiencing newborns as a grandma–although that might be a bit premature, given my own son’s not yet two!
I’m going to link this to his grandma now. 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
July 18, 2011
i I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but the years fly by. Savor every second (even the horrible ones).
Deborah the Closet Monster
July 18, 2011
I’m doing a much better job of savoring every moment than I imagined I would. I have many things I’m doing and more I want to do, but most important of all these things is that my little one knows how deeply he is loved, and what a blessing he is to me. Even in the midst of tantrums.
The fact my mom did the same with me is what got me through the years of her schizophrenia. No matter what she did or said, I always remembered the overwhelming power of her love when it was her who was driving that body.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
July 18, 2011
There is no smell as sweet in this world as the top of a baby’s head. I envy you. Both of my grandkids were extremely colicky and I probably put 50,000 miles on my rocking chair with them, but…now that they’re age 10 and almost 9, I miss it. Enjoy!
lifeintheboomerlane
July 19, 2011
Ah, your grandchildren are so lucky to have had such a loving, caring grandma.
pegoleg
July 18, 2011
Most people say they wish they could have skipped parenthood and gone straight to grandparenthood.
I’m looking forward to it, but I am (perhaps too optimistically) hoping my kids opt for graduation, job and stable marriage before that happens.
lifeintheboomerlane
July 19, 2011
Good plan.
youngamericanwisdom.com
July 19, 2011
Ah! This made me smile and think of my parents. They are convinced that my kiddos are charming, brilliant little creatures that can do no wrong. In return, my kiddos worship the ground they walk on. Grandparents are the best! Enjoy those grandbabies!
lifeintheboomerlane
July 20, 2011
Ah, your parents are wise, indeed. Given your blog posts, I’d agree with them.
yael
July 19, 2011
The toddler will happily go all ten rounds of The Ants Go Marching with you 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
July 20, 2011
100 times over.
winsomebella
July 20, 2011
I sit here with my granddaughter asleep nearby and laugh.
lifeintheboomerlane
July 20, 2011
Amazing, huh.
The Good Greatsby
July 21, 2011
This sounds exactly like my mom. Every time someone talks about the pain’s of childbirth or the difficulty of being a parent, my mom insists none of those shortcomings ever happened to her.
lifeintheboomerlane
July 21, 2011
Oh, I remember my first labor well, all 45 hours of it. And I still feel like I have PTSD from raising children. But, ah, grandparenthood is another thing entirely.
msmouse7
July 23, 2011
Not only did I take a double-take on the pix in this post, but a quadruple-take. The grandma looks just like my grandma! Not possible I guess, but kind of spooky. Loved your parental/grandparental comparisons.
lifeintheboomerlane
July 23, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane! Wow, so funny about the photo. Could it be?