The Myth of Older Men Wanting Younger Women

Posted on January 7, 2011


Ooooh, provocative blog title.  Life in the Boomer Lane can hear the heavy breathing of people lining up on either side of this debate that is so incendiary it will make you forget about bedbugs and J-Woww’s nude photo scandal.  So here goes:

LBL has an ongoing disagreement with her friend Jean.  She insists that all men over age 50 want to date 30 year olds.  Jean is in her 60s and she says that for her to find a man who would date her, he would have to be in his 80s.  Her evidence is what men say they want on sites like  LBL respectfully disagrees.  Or rather, she snorts until things come out of her nose.  But, since things have a habit of coming out of her nose anyway, Jean doesn’t take it as a comment on her opinion.

Here’s what LBL thinks about the thing: When LBL sees a man list an age parameter for a potential partner, she puts this in the same category as all the other things people write about themselves and what they want.  This is called, “I am sitting at home/in the office in front of my computer.  I am having an out-of-body experience triggered by questions on the screen like “Indicate Your Perfect Match: Body Type, Age, Monetary and Real Estate Holdings, Sexual Flexibility Awards, etc.  The Little Genie that lives in the computer will grant you your every wish.  All you have to do is click away.  Then the emails will come pouring in.”  Why wouldn’t any sane person go for broke?

Whenever LBL saw a profile of a man her age who expressed an interest in much younger women, she always contacted him.  She wrote the following:  “Your profile caught my eye.  You look like a very special person.  I’m older than your age parameters, but I wanted to write to wish you the best of luck in finding your match.”  In 100% of all cases (maybe more), LBL got the following reply, “Wait!  Hold on just a second! That age thing was just something I tossed off without thinking!  It doesn’t mean anything!  Let’s meet!”

A friend and LBL started and ran a speed dating company for several years.  LBL will tell you what she learned from that experience: Older men love the idea of younger women.  This is the same as LBL loving the idea of a string bikini.  LBL can certainly buy it, and she can certainly wear it.  But at some level, she sort of knows that that kind of swimsuit and her should have parted ways at least 10 20 25 years ago.  LBL can look in the mirror and tell herself it’s a good fit, but if she were Snow White and the Wicked Witch lived in her mirror, she would laugh herself into a coma.

When LBL’s friend and her advertised events for people 50 and over, most men weren’t interested because they said the women were “too sedentary, too set in their ways, too whatever.”  What they were really saying was that they wanted some mythical hot young chick.  So they cajoled, they gave incentives, they outright lied.  And they got the men to sign up.

And here is what happened: When those same men were confronted with women in their age range, they responded.  With gusto.  They had more matches in the older age groups than in the younger.  LBL got to observe all of those interactions.  And what she saw was real men being attracted to real women.

LBL also thinks her cross-section of friends is a pretty good indication, as well.  Some of them were divorced and then remarried after age 45.  In one case, a friend married a man 14 years younger than she.  In all the other cases, they married men in their own age group.  When these women were dating, they dated men in their own age group.  Now Husband is less than two years younger than LBL.  Her ex married a woman five years younger than him.  Anything five years or less is the same age, as far as LBL is concerned.

LBL is finished.  She awaits your comments, opinions, rants, personal experiences, referrals to good therapists.  She’s tough.  She can take it.  And beside, you don’t know where she lives.