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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
Browsing All posts tagged under »AARP«
What’s Next
While Life in the Boomer Lane wrestles with any technology requiring more than an “On” and “Off” switch, the folks at AARP are discovering even newer ways to confuse her. In the latest issue of AARP Bulletin, an article titled “What’s Next” details all of the ways technology is racing ahead of what human brain […]
Cheap Genes
March 3, 2017
Thanks to AARP Magazine, Life in the Boomer Lane is told that her wide swings between thriftiness and excess can be blamed entirely on genetics. She can now efficiently file that away in the same place that she puts her height, intelligence and boob size. According to AARP, our genetics and brain wiring […]
Teaching Old People How to Drive Better
March 11, 2016
A close friend of Life in the Boomer Lane is now teaching an AARP refresher course for senior drivers. The class is being held in Florida, in an area known for chiropractors, podiatrists, and over-55 mobile home communities. LBL’s friend, whom we shall call Bernice (and Bernie for short, in honor of her favorite […]
When Mothers and Their Babies Both Wear Diapers
January 15, 2015
While Life in the Boomer Lane has been frittering away her time keeping track of international terrorism and the antics of several unnamed heads-of-state, she has failed to notice a growing trend that poses a distinct threat to all women worldwide: the exploding number of post-50 women who are choosing to give birth. AARP Magazine, […]
Sex at 50+ : What’s Normal?
March 9, 2013
In its March 2013 issue, AARP Magazine presents “Sex at 50+: What’s Normal?” in which they answer our burning curiosity about other people’s sex lives. A heads up (in a manner of speaking): If you routinely incorporate the Area 51 Love Doll, the Strict Leather Dildo Face Harness, or the Drilldo into your sexual repertoire, […]
7 Quick Steps to Better Sex
December 15, 2011
AARP has come out with a guide to “7 Quick Steps to Better Sex.” This is important for two reasons. One is that the steps are “quick.” If they weren’t, we might get caught in mid-air, forgetting why the chandelier is at eye level and why there is a naked person lying on the bed […]
Medicare: Uncovered
November 29, 2011
Medicare, the federal system of health care for folks over age 65, comes at a really bad time in our lives, since at the exact moment it arrives, all available brain cells are either busy looking for car keys, permanently asleep on the job, or wondering if we have just baked the cooking shears into […]
Sex, More or Less
October 29, 2011
(The following is the first in my new series, “Old Posts to Dredge out on Slow Weekends Because When I Posted Them Originally People Cared More About the Economy and World Peace Than My Blog.” Although nothing has changed, it’s a slow weekend.) AARP just came out with a 105-page sex survey of people 45 […]
A Guide to Life After 50
September 13, 2011
AARP, the folks who used to be scary until we woke up one morning and realized we were one of them, continues to be concerned about the likelihood of us embarrassing ourselves because we have inadvertently lived long enough to remember the day rocks were invented. They present a list of Don’ts by world-renowned author Jacqueline Mitchard. […]
I’ll Have Two Elf Ears and a Side of Bacon
April 19, 2011
Thanks to AARP, I have been alerted to a new trend in man’s ongoing quest for perfection: elf ears. AARP states that “Body modification artists cut the tops of young people’s ears and sew them back together in a pointed shape.” The segment is titled, “Ah, Youth! Sometimes we don’t miss it.” I don’t […]
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June 18, 2018
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