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Musings of a former hula hoop champion
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Get Shorty
January 7, 2013
If you are a Boomer, you may have noticed that people your exact height are taller than you. This phenomenon occurs when Boomers continue to believe they are the same height and weight they were when they were in high school or college or the military, and then a random occurrence forces them to be […]
Boomer Breasts and the State of the Planet
November 30, 2012
Boomer breasts, while going about their daily business in relative obscurity, have nonetheless unwittingly become symbols of the general state of our world. The Breaking up of the Polar Ice Caps: The southward journey of the Boomer breast is symbolic of the sinking of the polar ice caps, but because it is located in a […]
Alienation
November 28, 2012
World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]
Maidenform and the Maiden
July 26, 2012
In a revolutionary discovery that is rewriting virtually everything we know about history except for the reason for the new TV reality show “Honey Boo Boo,” the University of Innsbruck said Wednesday that archeologists found four linen bras dating from the Middle Ages in an Austrian castle. It was not explained what archeologists were doing […]
Menopause on Pause
July 9, 2012
Loyal reader and gifted fellow blogger Alaina Mabaso has alerted Life in the Boomer Lane to a phenomenon so shocking that LBL had a reason to spit out her organic vegetable slime concoction that she was drinking to atone for having eaten half of a half-gallon of butter pecan ice cream last night. According to The Week’s column […]
Home Sweet HOME
July 8, 2012
Medieval peasant homes were simple wooden huts, usually consisting of one room. All other rooms were technically known as “outside.” Slightly-better-off peasants lived in huts with two rooms. There were no panes of glass in the windows, no chimney, no chairs. Peasants slept on straw and they did not have pillows. Instead they rested their […]
Really Important Stuff That Happened When I Was Gone
June 20, 2012
Because the sum total of the money I have made from blogging approximates that of the current Greek GNP, and because I like to engage in frivolous activities like paying the mortgage, I decided to focus on my real estate career for a while, instead of on my keyboard. Stepping back from blogging for a […]
The Language of Love
May 8, 2012
It is commonly assumed that the most powerful words in creating relationship consist of one of the following: “Oh my, yes, ooooooh.” “Hmmmm, baby, you taste so fine.” “You make me hot all over ohmygoddoesallthatbelongtoyou?!” Shockingly, this is not the case. James Pennebaker, a psychologist who studies the use of pronouns has determined that pronouns […]
Americans Can’t Afford Health Care (Except for Me)
May 1, 2012
Blogging has resulted in my drawing people to me with interesting proposals. Most of these involve an attempt to place various body parts into other body parts and would result in their incarceration if I took their offers seriously and notified the local constabulary. But then there are the real folks who ask me to […]
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
Sex at 50+ : What’s Normal?
March 9, 2013
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In its March 2013 issue, AARP Magazine presents “Sex at 50+: What’s Normal?” in which they answer our burning curiosity about other people’s sex lives. A heads up (in a manner of speaking): If you routinely incorporate the Area 51 Love Doll, the Strict Leather Dildo Face Harness, or the Drilldo into your sexual repertoire, […]