Overcoming the Stormy Side of Dating

Posted on February 20, 2018

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For those people who have been living in a pistachio nut shell for the last year, Life in the Boomer Lane will tell you that the politicization of every single aspect of American Life has been quite successful. Examples abound:

“This weather sucks.”

“The weather was worse under Obama.”

“Congrats on your new baby!”

“Thanks.  We are delighted to be able to name him Trump Worshipper.”

“I love my mother.”

“You love a lying piece of shit President, not your mother.”

Not surprisingly, dating has now become politicized. Whereas, in the dim recesses of history (meaning the time that occurred between the appearance of man on earth and the moment before Trump declared and won the office of Emperor), politics was a crap shoot. One didn’t know about a prospective partner’s morning breath, money issues, penchant for infidelity, or any number of other traits, until later.  One had to get past an initial meeting, before one got to the nitty-gritty of knowing someone’s heart, soul and political theories.

No more.  A husband and wife Trump supporter team from North Carolina have begun an online dating site for Trump supporters, cleverly called Trump Dating.

Let’s get something straight right now.  Only straights can use the site. Non-straight people of any persuasion whatsoever are excluded from the site.  Your choices are  “straight man” or a “straight woman.”  You can’t be fluid, in the question, open to suggestions or depends-on-the-day. You can, however, choose “happily married” or “unhappily married” as a status, the Bible obviously condoning extramarital sex but not alternative sexual and/or gender status.

To be absolutely fair to Barrett Riddleberger, the Straight Male of the site creation partnership, he has said that the marital status issue was a mistake and was being fixed by a programmer.   The actual programmer could not be reached for comment, as he was in a locked room, laughing into his computer screen.

In case any woman is wondering who her competition might be on the site, a warning: Women can only search men, not other women.  The Riddlebergers are obviously attempting to eliminate a woman disguising herself as straight, when she is actually in a category that defies God and the Constitution. Men, on the other hand, can search their competition, since both God and the Constitution are clear that men have no moral issues.

One might think that Riddleberger might not be the finest person to set moral standards for others. According to the Greensboro News & Record,  Riddleberger’s past includes a felony conviction for taking indecent liberties with a child in 1995. The charge stemmed from his videotaping himself having sex with a 15-year-old girl when he was 25.

To be absolutely fair to Riddleberger once again (although LBL warns him that two “absolutely fairs” are her limit), he has now been married for twenty-two years, without serious charges.

“I’ve already paid my debt for something I did 25 years ago,” he said.

(LBL has noted the discrepancy between “22 years” and “25 years,” but she assumes that a grasp of elementary math would not preclude one from determining the fates of any number of single men and women.)

 

The site states up front that “We believe that, by matching patriotic and political viewpoints as a base foundation of the relationship, it will allow one to focus on what really matters – conversation, commonalities, and if all goes well, courting.  Being with someone who shares the same core standards is absolutely essential if you’re truly searching for a real, life-changing relationship.”

LBL couldn’t agree more. Core standards assumes there would be a category firmly embedded in the foundation of any healthy relationship.  LBL doesn’t know whether the site attempts to assess prospective users’ morals, before allowing them to become members. She also doesn’t know whether Trump’s own behavior is the standard. If it were, she assumes there would be a category for Men titled,  “What You Should Know About Me.” Choices would be:

  1. There is a video of me saying I love to grab women’s pussys, but that was locker room talk.
  2. Many women have accused me of inappropriate sexual behavior but they are lying sluts.
  3. Other women said I had sex with them while I was married, but they are not only lying sluts, they were really bad in bed and so it doesn’t count.
  4. To prove that I am the model for a True Christian Male, there is an actual book written about me, saying I am the model for a True Christian Male. This proves that I am the model for a True Christian Male. Available on Amazon.

 

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