The Wascally Wabbits of the US Political UnderWorld are in a serious competition with whatever causes our current hellacious weather patterns (climate change/gun control/a pissed off god/simple bad luck/Hunter Biden) to end the world as expediciously as possible. Even Vlad and Kim took time out from planning their next Big Bro Pajama Party to to pay attention. The world, it seems, is holding its breath.
With the earth on a one-way, toll-free, Highway to Hell, Life in the Boomer Lane has tried to find fun topics to talk about, instead. It’s been exhausting. Even events that, historically, should have been fun topics, are no longer so. “Hurray, Mitt Romney is retiring! Woot! Woot” has morphed into “Oh shit, there goes my hero of the GOP. Why couldn’t he hold on a bit longer?'” Every utterance of Liz Cheney in the Before-the-End-Times, was met with derision. It is now reacted to with reverance. Chris Christie, Governor of Infamy of a state that was already fertile territory for reality shows about nail salons, the Mafia, and the tattooed and teased gang of the Jersey Shore, is now considered oh-so intelligent and clever and brave. LBL longs for the days when these folks were the worst of her nightmares. She had no idea back then that what she thought were nightmares were, in effect, mildly annoying dreams. The current political climate has been able to successfully turn all sorts of mental felons into icons.
But she has found a few items that have absolutely nothing to do with politics, weather patterns, Hunter Biden or the latest reunion of the Jersey Shore.
The Zoe Predict Study, which undoubtedly cost bazillions of dollars and involved the brain power of many really smart reserachers and thousands of test subjects, has just found that many people’s healthy diets were being undermined by snacking between meals. A spokesperson for the National Association of Fun Snacking, immediately responded. “This study is as fake as most of the products we produce. We are demanding a complete analysis of all details, preferably involving hundreds of attorneys, Congressional investigations and several impeachments of somebody. Nobody has ever actually proven that a bag of Chocolate Covered Cheetoes is any less nutrious than a bag of dark green leafy vegetables.” LBL was super impressed with this statement, until she realized that the word “nutrious” seemed a bit sketchy. Sure enough, instead of “nutricious”, the word “nutrious” refers to a large, aquatic rodent. This is exaclty how conspiracy theories start.
A study conducted recently by the University of Arizona found that toilet seats are actually relatively clean and are way, way cleaner than the average cell phone. Needless to say, major cell phone manufacterers immediately did their own research and found that even screaming “Can you hear me?!” loudly into a toilet bowl, did not result in anyone responding. in addition, toilet use did not allow one access to social media nor was it easy to carry a toilet when one went about one’s day. “The toilet has some real drawbacks,” it concluded, “so it’s a small thing to put up with filth on a cell phone, given the numerous advantages it offers.”
Last, a section of previously undiscovered paintings in a cave filled with Paleolithic (24,000 years ago) rock art has been found in Spain. The new illustrations include 19 portrayals of wildlife, some now extinct, as well as details about how Jared Kushner obtained 2 billion dollars from the Saudis while his father-in-law was president but why nobody gives a shit about this because they are too busy spending their time talking about Hunter Biden.
LBL is aware that this last sentence is a bit unwieldly and mentions Poor Hunter. “My bad,” she says, which is all the apology you will get.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
judithhb
September 15, 2023
Doesn’t give one much hope for your poor, bewildered country or in fact, our world. But with the cooler weather coming, you can at least close the doors put on the heating and find some music and a couple of good books. That will no doubt raise your feelings and make you feel so much better about everything. Good luck from the other side of the world
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 20, 2023
As bad as I say things are is nothing compared to what’s in my head. The only thing that works now is watching “90 Day Fiance”. and “Love is Blind.” Those shows are very effective in killing off brain cells and thus impairing thought.
Taswegian1957
September 15, 2023
My sister, who was a hospital cleaner for many years says the dirtiest part of the toilet is actually the top of the cistern where you press the flush button. As for phones, how many people clean their phone every day? Douglas Adams might have been wrong about telephone sanitisers.
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 20, 2023
That makes total sense. Anything your hand touches is the culprit, but something most people ignore.
Anonymous
September 16, 2023
Haha LBL, love the way you cleverly distguished not interested in writing a political theme post… Haha, hahahaha… well done… upon the intial reading I was already considering my response something of the order lamenting my disappointment about no LBL lambasting (or lamblasting) the current political atmosphere we have to breathe in modern times… my apologies in advance… notwithstanding I realize LBL has copious amounts of material to work with far into the future… the only ingredient missing from the recipe is the frequency… Haha LBL hahahahahahahhahaha ad infinitum we’re all going crazy in the words of our late Jimmy Buffet… Fair Winds…
Life in the Boomer Lane
September 20, 2023
I appreciate your encouragement. These people are completely ruining my life. I certainly could write about them everyday, but then I would forget to eat actual food or sleep or take the trash out. They would find me in my house surrounded by empty ice cream containers and chocolate wrappers and filth, and make a reality show about me.