2021 Was Certifiable

Posted on January 3, 2022

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Life in the Boomer Lane fully intended to do a comical look at the major events of 2021. But, upon perusing the aforementioned major events, she realized that most of them had two completely different meanings. January 6 was either an insurrection manipulated by the President of the United States as a very illegal way to stay in power or it was a peaceful group of concerned citizens exercising their God-given right to bring their head horns and grievances directly to the Seat of Power. January 20 was the inauguration of a new duly-elected President of the US or it was the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the citizens of the US of A or on any people at any time in the history of the world. The development of the Covid vaccine was either a brilliant leap for science or a nefarious plot to inject microchips into millions of unsuspecting arms. Face masks were either an easy way to protect others during a worldwide pandemic or they were a government plot to shut off the airways of small children and to make bank robbers look like everyone else. Critical race theory was either the necessary education of white people to understand that slavery, Jim Crow laws and ongoing rampant discrimination have created most of the problems we have today or it was a way to undermine the fundamental truth of America, that white people discovered this country, worked their butts off to get rid of anyone who would stand in their way, and fully deserve to be rewarded for their efforts and not slapped on the wrist for it.

What’s a girl to do? In an effort of serve her Loyal Readers in the best way possible, LBL will instead turn to news items that most likely missed the eagle eye of all those thoughtful, well-read citizens of this country. We are often referred to as a “melting pot” in this country. That is an apt description. We are a nation of folks who are bombarded on a 24/7 basis by a tsunami of news, that is then melted down in our individual brains to create countless little identical Hersheys kisses, each one representative of the same extremely narrow view of the world that serves us.

Here, then, are the overlooked news articles that, in their own way, served to define us in 2021:

Rich guys continued to use their 20+-digit wealth to fly to the edge of space and then make plans for luxury manmade islandspricey utopian cities, and space hotels.

The American food industry discovered that all flavors of anything, when combined, can create food products that bypass taste buds and go directly to the intestinal system.  Hence, candy-flavored Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, Fruit Loops covered pizza, Cheez-it cake, ramen-flavored soda and French fry-flavored vodka.

Technology abounds. With enough money, one can purchase a drone bed, an AI-powered dog collar that allows your canine to “speak,” wearable delayed-ejaculation devices, and a wellness toilet that examines one’s stool and communicates its findings. Ridiculously lifelike AI dogs can eliminate the need to actually care for one’s beloved pet. The same technology is being used for AI humans, projected to have a real impact on the wedding and divorce industries.

A note to Loyal Readers: LBL makes no judgement on any of these items. However, she is entirely sure that, depending on the news network you favor, and/or your neighbor’s cousin who has access to all the websites that know a lot of secret shit, you will have some mighty differing opinions.

Posted in: food, humor, technology