Somebody Please Tell Me

Posted on December 18, 2021


Life in the Boomer Lane has been in a six-week whirlwind of travel, involving Brussels, Florida, and the homes of various humans who she gave birth to, as well as the humans they, in turn, gave birth to. Loyal Readers should not feel deprived of hearing about LBL’s travel horror anecdotes. LBL has already written about her Brussels trip. The rest of the trips were uneventful, except for one lunch at a very chichi Manhattan restaurant, in which a passing waiter with a tray bumped into LBL’s table, creating a fountain of ketchup which easily found its way to the front of LBL’s sweater.

While gone, LBL was afraid that world and national events might get away from her. They didn’t. She came back to a world that was basically the same as the one she left. The GOP was still dogged in their service to the country by opposing legislation that the Dems hadn’t even proposed yet. Hundreds of people continued to attempt to get hold of Trump’s tax returns, while thousands of attorneys came up with ways to prevent that. Covid continued to morph into more versions than Trump’s use of the word “fake.” January 6 participants continued to come up with very plausible reasons why they stormed the capital (“I truly believed it was the January White Sale at Wal Mart. All those big buildings look alike to me.”)

Instead, LBL will present a few questions that no news outlet has seen fit to ask, let alone to answer. She is sure that many of her Loyal Readers will have ideas.

  1. Why do anti-vaxxers have unlimited suspicions regarding the vaccine, but happily welcome all of the drugs pumped into them when they end up in the hospital? LBL can only assume that the serum for the vaccinations is somehow tied to either Bill Gates or to the Deep State, while the countless unknown drugs that go from the IV bag into their veins is politically neutral and beneficial.

2. Why do many parents get the vaccine but refuse to give it to their children?

3. When did a lifetime of service to the country become something to be suspicious of?

4. Why are newscasters enthusiastic when they talk about the “great, unseasonably warm weather we are enjoying in the winter!?

5. Why do people vote on the basis of some vague sense of nationalism (define that however you would like) instead of on what actually impacts positively on their lives?

6. What is Trump’s spirit animal? LBL seriously wants to know this answer.

Meanwhile, have a great holiday and a happy New Year. May 2022 usher in a new era of love and well-being. May unicorns dance on the head of a pin. May motorists stop at red lights (or, if they do go through the light, may they at least speed up when doing so, so that we know they feel bad about what they are doing.) May people consult their brains before writing anything on social media. May people value science again. May people stop offering opinions without being asked. May money or celebrity no longer be the determinant of how much we respect someone. May computers and remotes and microwaves all work the same way. May people discover that often, the values promoted to us are, in large part, created by people whose goal is to make money from us (and this pertains to both consumer goods and things that politicians tell us). May some really smart person discover a way to eliminate passwords and the need to call customer service.

LBL will stop now. The more she writes, the more things she thinks of. Instead, in the event that these wishes don’t come to pass, she will ask everyone to simply carry them over to 2023 and then to 2024 and so on. But none of this prevents you from having a good holiday or from feeling the crushing guilt that follows, due to over-eating, over-drinking, and realizing that some of your New Years resolutions are almost as old as you are.

Happy 2022. LBL takes no responsibility whatsoever for any events that transpire.