
An alert reader sent Life in the Boomer Lane a link to a New York Times article titled “The Wisdom of the Aged.” Before reading it, LBL was afraid that this article, like many she had read in the past, would ask aged people to what they attributed their long lives. The answers would be things like “I eat salami every day” or “I only wear mismatched socks” or “I have never drunk alcohol, smoked cigarettes, or eaten parsley.” LBL would read these and think that what she, personally, believed that what insured a long life was good genes, a lot of luck, and not watching reruns of “My Mother the Car.”
Luckily, this article went in another direction. As the Times stated, “In New York City, the population age 85 and up has been growing at five times the rate for the city as a whole, doubling since 1980 to about 150,000. For this often invisible population, the first of its size, what does an older life really look like? And can it be better?”
LBL was interested in hearing what these folks had to say. What she found was interesting, for sure. But there were no great pearls of wisdom that would change her own life. Some of the people interviewed were content. Others weren’t. Some were marking time. Others felt they were leading full lives. One 92-year-old “wondered what he was doing in an article with all those old people.” It turns out they were pretty much all over the map in their answers about their lives, just like any other random group of people.
The most interesting story was about Helen, the resident of a nursing home, and her lover, fellow resident Howie. Helen and Howie have been together since 2009, and like, lots of celebs, seem fated to spend their relationship stuck on “Engaged.” They would like to get married, but Helen’s daughter is dead set against the union. “She says if I marry Howie she’ll never visit me again,” Helen said by way of explanation.
So, is older really wiser? The answer, according to one of the researchers, is a “qualified yes: that even as the brain slows down or memory deteriorates, older people are often better decision-makers, recognizing patterns or being more attuned to the effects of their decisions.”
More importantly, do older lives matter? LBL believes that Helen has found the secret of what keeps many older people keeping on: human connection. Whether it comes from family, friends, or a hot relationship, these folks believe that their existence matters to others. Ms. Willig, age 92, sends an email every morning to let her children and grandchildren know she is still alive. That task taken care of, she can turn her attention to what gives her joy: taking care of her plants.
ugiridharaprasad
January 4, 2016
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Thanks for the reblog!
Life With The Top Down
January 4, 2016
This is WONDERFUL!! I look forward to rising up to genius status. I just hope my hearing is in tact so I can hear those magic words …”you were right mom.”
I attended a wedding for a friend of my mothers. The bride was 85 and it was her first marriage. She had been a career girl all her life. Traveled the world, and was a walking book of knowledge. She finally found time to “settle down”.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Great story about the 85-year-old bride! And, yes, may we all live long enough and be sentient enough to be vindicated by our children.
Lorie Smith Schaefer
January 4, 2016
My grandma used to say, even into her 80s, that she didn’t feel any different inside that when she was in her 30s. It was only when she looked in the mirror that she remembered she was old.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Yes, the dreaded mirror. I react the same way to photos of me: Yikes, who is that person who stepped in front of me when the photo was taken?
Keith
January 4, 2016
Thanks Renee. Good for Helen and Howie and Helen’s daughter needs to take a chill pill. I love Ms. Willis’ email routine – I am still here. We just saw “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” this weekend. In it, Dev Patel’s character takes a roll call each morning to confirm if any guests passed away in the night – he tells the others, he does not want them to be unattended to even in death. So, Renee, I am still here. Glad you are, too. Keith
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Every single day is a gift, for sure. I must see TSBEMH. The first was so good.
Andrew Reynolds
January 4, 2016
Well, we all know that the secret to long live is a good strong cup of tea – with a shot of whiskey. Bet Howie knows that.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Smiling. There are probably other recipes for a long life that people don’t talk about.
CMSmith
January 4, 2016
I think you hit the nail on the head. We have to matter. After all those years as a stay-at-home mom where my daily activities really did matter to several small, and at least one large, people, that’s the thing I miss the most. Mattering. Fortunately, I still have people in my life who care, just not in the same way, and mostly from a distance.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Great comment. We still matter to them, for sure, but the form of mattering changes. And that can be tough to realize. I still struggle with that, at times.
Roly Andrews
January 4, 2016
Thanks for such an insightful and humorous post. I visit Retirement Homes in my line of work and often I can’t help but think they are societies ghettos of lost opportunities. It seem’s to me that there is so much life and untapped energy, experience, humor and humanity that could be put to far better use.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Every time I visit my aunt in the nursing home, I think about what I would do if I ran the place. Like you say, there are so many untapped resources there. My head spins with all the possibilities.
Little Voice
January 5, 2016
I’ll prefer a hot relationship to tending flowers. At least he will leave the room at nite,while the plants stay right there needing attention.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 5, 2016
Laughing. Yes, hot sex would be better, although I know a lot of women who would say “Flowers.”
judithhb
January 7, 2016
How sad the reaction of Helen’s daughter. But this seems to be universal with daughters. I agree hot sex would be good. Can you give me directions to that retirement facility please
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 9, 2016
Laughing. A lot.