The Depleted Gene Pool Weighs in On Ebola

 

Anyone with half a brain (and, apparently, there are a number of folks walking around with less than the required amount of brain mass) now knows, thanks to Rush Limbaugh, that President Obama is allowing Ebola to slip into America as a payback for slavery. This is a fascinating theory, since Ebola started in West Africa, and, unless, Life in the Boomer Lane is wrong, this means that African people can contract the disease.  If Ebola were to spread to America, those of African descent would not be immune.  Therefore, many people descended from slaves would be getting a payback for slavery. Either Limbaugh is a bit off, or Obama has made a slight error in starting this whole thing. Either way, one would think African Americans would be pretty pissed off at the prospect of being descended from slaves and then being punished for being slave owners.

Laura Ingraham agrees with Limbaugh.  She believes Obama is favoring Africa at the expense of the US. She feels that Obama’s take is “We owe a great debt to other countries, including Africa, and if that means Americans have to die, we just have to die.”  Let us set aside the fact that Africa isn’t a country.  Let us pretend that it is.  Let us also pretend that allowing Americans to die is beneficial to this newly-named country of Africa.  One could make a pretty strong case for that.  You know how when you are sick it sort of makes you feel better if lots of other people are sick?  Well, that’s how the people of the new country of Africa feel.

Former Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has cautioned Americans about Ebola-infected terrorists coming over the Mexican border.  This really does make sense, since the US/Mexican border has always been a hotbed of terrorist activity. Brown didn’t elaborate as to which of the approximately 155 official (and presumably bonded and licensed) terrorist organizations recognized by the US are involved. By Brown’s own count, every Democrat is a terrorist organization, as are the la Leche League and Planned Parenthood.  This means a lot of people coming across the border.  Wal-Mart is considering building a string of stores all along the border with enhanced gun departments, in order to cash in on the influx.

Brown also believes that Ebola would never have happened if Mitt Romney were president. Romney, when asked to comment, said “That is correct.  If I were President, there would be no Ebola, no cancer, no heart disease, no Alzheimer’s and no people being stood up on blind dates.  This will be part of my platform for my 2016 presidential run.

Glenn Beck thinks people should be marching in front of the White House and the Capitol with signs that say, ‘Stop! Stop air travel from West Africa.’ He says “This is insane…. It is going to be… the death of all of us if we don’t just use common sense. It’s not that hard to fix this!”

Beck, who in the last few years relocated his show and staff to the Dallas/Fort Worth area, said some of his staff live in the same apartment complex as the second nurse to come down with Ebola, and he said it was terrifying to have them receiving notices regarding the infection of the nurse. Beck has now relocated his staff and all operations to a bunker in the middle of the Arizona desert. All staff will permanently wear hazmat suits and gargle daily with Listerine.

According to completely bogus sources, Sarah Palin has urged President Obama to invade Ebola. And, after an internet rumor stated that Ebola victims in Africa were rising from the grave in the form of zombies, she  has launched a campaign questioning President Obama’s knowledge on the zombies and what he plans to do about the living dead.  LBL doesn’t care that Palin never said any of that.  She probably thought it.  As for the zombies, though, that’s another thing entirely.  There has been entirely too little press and air time given this issue.