An Interview With 114-Year-Old Anna Stoehr

 

Life in the Boomer Lane’s father was often fond of saying “The first 100 years are the hardest.”  Anna Stoehr of Minnesota proves him wrong.  Stoehr, age 114, was forced to lie about her age in order to join Facebook.  She was born in 1900, but Facebook doesn’t let new users choose a birth year earlier than 1905.  For that reason, she ended up saying she was only 99, in order to sign up for the site.

Upon hearing this story, LBL immediately put down her slice of pizza and flew to Minnesota to interview Anna.  She did so  in order to glean details the news outlets may have missed. She hereby presents the interview:

LBL: How does it feel to be an outlaw, Anna?

AS: Are you the person with my lunch?

LBL: No, I’m a famous blogger, and I’m here to interview you.

AS: I hope you have my vanilla Ensure.  The last time, they forgot it.

(LBL leaves, goes to the kitchen, and brings back Anna’s lunch and a can of vanilla Ensure)

LBL: There.  Now let’s begin.

AS:  I’m not crazy about the mashed potatoes in this place.

LBL: They do look a bit lumpy. So, Anna, how does it feel to have misrepresented yourself on Facebook?

AS: Can you please pick up my napkin?  And why famous?

LBL: (bends down and gets napkin from the floor) Why famous what?

AS: You said you were a famous blogger. How so?

LBL: I have over 10,000 subscribers.

AS: Have there ever been articles about you all over the news and the internet?

LBL: Uh, no.

AS: Score one for the 114 year old. Can you please cut up this piece of meat for me?

LBL: (cutting up the meat) Yes, I guess you are way more famous than me.

AS: You bet. I’ve been asked to write a blog, myself.  But now I’m too busy with Facebook. My tag says “Public Figure.” I guess that’s a tad bit better than “Boomer Blogger.”

LBL: You really know how to rub it in, Anna. Do you think Facebook was wrong to cap the birth year at 1905?

AS: I thought so at first, but I’ll admit, it’s working for me. I have a ton of Friends, and most of them are younger men.   And some of them are real hotties. This Facebook thing is a hoot.  What’s the age cut off for Match.com?

LBL: I have no idea. But are you really interested in a relationship?

AS: I might be open to the possibility. But I’m picky now. I started dating in 1916. Learned a lot along the way.

LBL: Like what?

AS: Like I like my men to be like Rudolph Valentino.

LBL: You mean dark-haired and handsome and sexy?

AS: No, like silent.  Mind pulling the bread slice out of the package for me?

LBL (pulling the slice of bread out): What’s the one piece of advice you’d give young women nowadays?

AS: Butter.

LBL: Oh, I get it, you want me to open up the little butter container for you. (Reaches for the butter)

AS (slaps LBL’s arm): I can do that myself, thank you.

LBL: Then why butter?

AS: That’s my advice for young women. Be like butter.  Be real.  Be smooth. Be tasty.  And smear it all over yourself during sex. Works like a charm.  Oh, one more thing.

LBL: What’s that?

AS: Get a guy with a good retirement plan. I’ve been collecting on my husband’s since 1951.

LBL: Thanks, Anna. Anything else I can do for you before I leave?

AS: Do you mind if I snap a selfie of us? I want to get this posted on my Facebook page asap. My fans depend on it.