Life in the Boomer Lane has been spending so much time wallowing in the TWO HUGE SCARY news items that are consuming the entire planet right now, that she has had little time to direct her attention to the normal drivel that readers have come to depend on from her.
She has barely been able to pay attention to Miracle the Cat, who exhibits deranged behavior whenever Now Husband goes out of town. 1. Said Cat starts by emptying the contents of her food bowl onto the mat that is underneath it. She then wails because there is no food in her bowl. 2. Said Cat wakes LBL up at ungodly hours in order to a. point out that the water level in her bowl has gone down slightly b. the cat door leading to the basement has become a foreign, scary item c. she needs to go out (interesting, since she rarely goes out during the day anymore) 3. Said Cat avoids her sleeping towel at the foot of the bed and insists, instead, on sleeping on LBL’s face.
Another item LBL has had no time to pay attention to has been the imploding of technology all around her. The left headlight of her car is now permanently on. Her cell phone has stopped beeping when a text or email comes in. Her email service keeps warning her of their inability to process a file she has never heard of. Emails keeps vaporizing at a rate that inversely correlates with their importance.
She has allowed the latest psychological research to slide by without comment. An example: Perfectionism can be “devastatingly destructive,” leading to “crippling anxiety or depression, and it may even be an overlooked risk factor for suicide,” argues a new paper in Review of General Psychology, a journal of the American Psychological Association. Bravo to the folks at the American Psychological Association. They have identified a malady that LBL will never be in danger of acquiring. Along with being a wine snob and overexercising, LBL remains forever safe from the ravages of perfectionism.
Last night, a dinner guest who LBL has known since 1961, brought some old photos of a party that LBL had no knowledge of having ever hosted. The photos confirmed that LBL believed back in 1992 that the size of ones shoulder pads and the distance one’s hair stuck out from one’s head made up for the lack of one’s height. Unfortunately, LBL’s friend left before LBL could destroy the photos.
LBL was greatly relieved to see that Beloved North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un, who had not been seen in public for more than a month, visited a newly built housing project and was walking with a cane. Dennis Rodman will now be able to continue his visits to the Beloved Leader’s Paradise-on-Earth and will not have to resort to airbnb.com to find vacation housing elsewhere. Fabulous concerts will continue to be thrown, in which Disney characters perform for the Beloved Leader’s amusement. Unfortunately, such concerts will not be streamed into dungeons prisons, where approximately 80% of the population resides. The Beloved Leader will continue to be a fashion, hairstyle, and cartoon icon to his millions of adoring subjects.
Chicago, not New York, has been deemed the “rattiest city in the US.” New York came in a paltry 4th, behind LA and Washington, DC. Thus far, there has been no comment from Oprah (representing Chicago), the Kardashians (representing LA), and the rats (representing DC).
And, last, a warning to all loyal readers: Do not, under any circumstances, spend a lot of time cooking a main course containing cilantro, without first polling prospective guests about their cilantro preferences. Otherwise, guests will start eating, put their forks down, turn to you and ask “Does this have cilantro?” When you say “Yes,” they will push their plates away and declare “I hate cilantro.” At that moment, if you live in the Washington, DC area, you will regret that you didn’t simply serve rat. It would have been easy to acquire and be far more palatable to them.
wordsfromanneli
October 14, 2014
I thought everyone liked cilantro.
Lorna's Voice
October 14, 2014
Not everyone.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Apparently, only my dinner guests don’t.
Gayane
October 14, 2014
ex husband used to gag on cilantro. should have used it more around him…..
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Now that’s funny.
Lorna's Voice
October 14, 2014
My dog had the same problem as your cat. I feel as if I’m feeding either a one-year old or a 90 year old. I have to keep rearranging his food in his dish with a spoon so it doesn’t stick to the bowl. As if I have nothing else to do. And I’ll miss doing it someday, too… 😐
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
I am gratified that other cats have dementia.
Retirementallychallenged.com
October 14, 2014
I love cilantro… how else do you make carne asada? I promise not to push my plate away (or comment on your shoulder pads) if ever invited over to your house for dinner.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
You are now on my guest list.
lrose
October 14, 2014
My boss and my cat are allergic to cilantro. A random fact, but true. Never knew anyone or thing could be allergic to cilantro. I hope to never stop discovering what makes this world of ours so…weird.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
A cat that is allergic to cilantro? What kind of food is this cat eating?
lrose
October 15, 2014
If she had her way, any and all house plants. So vet suggested green leafy people food. I let her chow down on some cilantro one day and ended up with much the same reaction as a food allergy. Go figure, huh?
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 16, 2014
Wild.
btg5885
October 14, 2014
The cilantro poll was a terrific ending. My oldest detests it, so we have to be vigilant. And, I am sure the world was holding its collective breath over the where abouts of the Kim Jong-un. He was playing his own version of Where’s Waldo.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Given the responses about cilantro, I should just write about that. I never knew it was such a hot topic. Did you know that Kim is the youngest head of state, ever? Maybe he is sneaking off playing video games.
katecrimmins
October 14, 2014
Cilantro tastes like soap. My ex was allergic to gardenia scent. Had I been smarter I could have saved a lot of money……..Your cat’s playing you. He and now husband are in cahoots and will have a great laugh when he gets home. As for shoulder pads, I have some I can lend you. They balance the hips but they don’t make you taller.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Funny you said that. I actually asked one of my dinner guests what cilantro tasted like to her and she said “Soap.” I agree that Now Husband and Miracle the Cat are in cahoots. I used to love shoulder pads. I truly believed they made me look taller. Sigh.
Shelley
October 14, 2014
I love cilantro. Next time, invite me. an added bonus, I bring chocolates to my hostesses.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Sounds like an outstanding deal to me.
menomama3
October 14, 2014
Thank you for diverting me from those same 2 scary things. If it makes Chicagoans feel any better, I live in the city calls “The city that fun forgot.” Nice, eh?
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Which city???
menomama3
October 15, 2014
Good grief. My typing sucks. “I live in the city called “The city that fun forgot.” The capital of Canada – Ottawa.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Oh my. And here I had never heard anything negative about Ottawa. Actually, I had never heard anything about Ottawa at all. But I’ll bet there is fun to be had there.
morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer
October 14, 2014
Were there always so many strong feelings about food, including things you liked and things you hated, things you’re allergic to and things that cause stomach aches?
It’s all of the various opinions that made me lose my interest in cooking.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
We have gotten pretty weird about food, haven’t we? The allergy things makes me crazy. And I love when young moms say “My child will eat NOTHING!” I always think about all the places on the planet where food is scarce. Those kids eat whatever they can get and are grateful for it.
anitascribbles
October 14, 2014
If the Kardashians represent LA, I guess I’ll have to move. Uh, wait a minute. I don’t actually live IN Los Angeles, just sort of near it. People just don’t understand that because cities around here run together for miles…and miles…and miles without apparent borders. Our quiet home is in one of the non-K areas.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
I’ve only been to LA once, and Now Husband and I were pretty intentional about finding interesting things to see, aside from driving through Oprah’s neighborhood and driving down Rodeo Dr. All we saw in Oprah’s neighborhood were tons of Latino gardeners and all we saw on Rodeo Dr were tourists stalking celebs. The celebs were all hiding.
divorce1943
October 14, 2014
Was just thinking about getting a cat to keep me company. I got as far as filling out the ‘adoption’ papers. They’ve called but I’m to scared to take that step. Now after reading this post I’m really backing away. What would I be getting myself into? Please help me.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
If the choice is cat/no cat, go with cat. Life is so much better with a pet. The advantage to cats is they don’t have to be walked, and if they have access to their litter box, you can be away all day with no problem. All of my cats have been indoor/outdoor and, before Now Husband arrived, I never even had a litter box. I’ve had several cats and they have all been low maintenance.
Sarah Day
October 14, 2014
I just had a discussion the other day with someone about the polarizing effects of cilantro! My husband favors it. I can take it or leave it.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Cilantro is obviously right up there with the other big issues that polarize people. Who knew. Soon we’ll be marching in the streets over it.
Deborah Drucker
October 15, 2014
That could be a nice thing that your cell phone does not notify you of emails and messages.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
Sometimes it’s great, but being a realtor, i really should be able to know when voice mails come in.
Alex
October 15, 2014
Family likes both parsley and cilantro. They both taste nearly the same for me. Steamed parsley is rather delicious. Like an earthier and more nutritious version of spinach.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
I’ve never heard of making steamed parsley. I’ll look into it.
An Ordinary Man (the novel)
October 15, 2014
i’ve heard the dislike for cilantro is genetic – at least that’s my excuse. tastes like soap to me AND my son.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 15, 2014
I seriously might have to write an entire post about cilantro. After my post about pesto.
digafigment
October 15, 2014
Omg pesto. Please post about pesto. And why is Cilantro such a hot topic? It’s not like it has been contaminated by Sir Ebola.
Elyse
October 16, 2014
Glad to hear you are not a perfectionist, either. Which is why whenever I invite folks over I make it a “BYOV” event — bring your own vermin. After all, I live perilously close to DC.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 18, 2014
I had a friend once who used to have all guest at her parties come early and clean the house first. Great way to now who your friends are.
lrose
October 16, 2014
If you are going to write a “taste like soap” piece, include lavender. I want to like foods seasoned with herbs de provence and ice cream made with lavender, but I’ve taken way too many baths with lavender bath salts and such to ever be able to taste anything but soap that has lavender in it.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 18, 2014
I have a huge dislike of lavender. It smells awful to me, like something moldy. I can’t even wash my hands with anything lavender-scented. Feh.
chlost
October 20, 2014
Perhaps Kim Jun…whatever….was recovering from the soapy taste of cilantro.
It is strange how things tend to go wacky all at the same time. And of course, when the person who is in charge of such things is out of town. I just don’t let my husband go out of town.
Paula J
October 27, 2014
Now THAT’S funny.