North Korea, in a stunning reversal of Precambrian technology, has announced the development of a smartphone, called the Arirang, available to all fun-loving and tech-savvy citizens of North Korea.
A spokesperson for the Arirang said, “North Koreans will no longer be limited to land lines, which aren’t available anyway, or to letter writing, which has been difficult since the post offices have closed. Smart phones will allow our citizens to communicate with anyone they want to, as long as anyone they want to resides in North Korea and has a North Korean Smart Phone.”
The Arirang will be loaded with features that few countries have on their smartphones. With the click of a button, citizens will be able to check in on the time remaining in any of their loved ones’ prison terms, as well as calculate the time remaining before they, themselves, will be taken. The GPS feature will not only locate the nearest food line, it will calculate how many people are currently standing in that line. One downside of the The Facetime feature will allow them to see the face of the Beloved Leader at all times, day or night. And, finally, the phone will, of course, have games. All games will involve running through mazes and over and around obstacles to get out of North Korea. The winner will be arrested.
Most countries on the planet doubt that the smartphone actually exists. Of course, a certain percentage of those countries doubt that North Korea actually exists. Some have speculated that the factories manufacturing the phones are actually empty warehouses, built to receive phones that have been manufactured in China.
The “May 11 Factory” where North Korea says it is producing smartphones has been promoted as the country’s hub for research, development and production of high-tech electronics. Surveillance cameras have detected machinery inside, but so far, the only word that was legible was “Singer.”
Demand for the new phones has been unprecedented. The expected wait time is approximately 23 years.