Instructor: I’d like everybody’s attention, please. Welcome to “How to Respect Women,” a workshop tailored specifically for politicians. We will undo a lifetime of womanizing in two weeks. Are we ready?
Eliot Spitzer: You have nice boobs, Teacher.
Instructor: Mr Spitzer, we will refrain from references to female anatomy in this class. Is that understood?
Bob Filner: Cock teaser.
Instructor: We will also refrain from negative references to women in general, Mr Filner.
BF: Hey, if you didn’t want us to notice your boobs, you shoulda left them at home.
ES: Good one, Bob.
(Bob McDonnell walks in and takes a seat): Sorry I’m late.
Instructor: Mr McDonnell, I believe you are down the hall at the “Campaign Funds are Not Your Personal Money” workshop.” (He leaves.)
ES: I like the sound of that workshop better. Can we get credit for that one, instead?
Instructor: “Let’s please continue. Mr Weiner, please stop texting. You were instructed not to bring your cell phone to class.” (AW puts his cell phone away.)
ES: His pants are down again, Ms Boobs.
Instructor: Mr Spitzer, calling me Ms Boobs is not acceptable. Mr Weiner, please pull your pants up. (AW pulls his pants up.)
BF: “Hey Ms Boobs, I mean Teacher, His name is Carlos Danger.”
ES: And he is dane-jer-us!
Instructor: Mr Filner, Mr. Spitzer, We can go on like this for the rest of the class. But then you will not get credit for this course.
BF: Uppity bitch.
Instructor: Mr Filner, I am losing patience with you. Do you not know that women shouldn’t be spoken to like that?
ES: Weiner is texting again.
BF: And his pants are down again.
Instructor: Mr Weiner, if you can’t put your cell away, I will be forced to take it from you.
BF: Now we are getting somewhere. What else would you like to be forced to do?
ES: Good one, Bob.
Instructor: Mr Spitzer. Mr Filner. Stop passing notes. Now. And the next wisecrack either of you makes will get you tossed out of the class. Mr Weiner, same to you if you don’t put the cell phone away and pull up your pants.
BF: Did she say crack? Man, I love cracks.
ES: Me too. This class sucks.
BF: Oooh, I love the word “sucks,” too. Anywhere, anyplace, any time.
ES: And I know where the best pros are.
Instructor: I’m about five seconds away from ending this class.
ES: Weiner’s texting again.
BF: Yeah, and his pants are down again.
Instructor: This class is over.
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Snoring Dog Studio
July 29, 2013
You are hilarious! BUT I will say that it is all a bit depressing as well. You’ve captured the essence of what these men are about – they really can’t seem to help it. At least Weiner and Filner appear to have some pathological issues about sex and women. I can’t speak for Spitzer. But given all that, why the hell they are still running for office and still in office is beyond me. I love how they think they can run to rehab and atone. They are such liars.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
It’s really depressing for so many reasons. And that’s why I deal with it with humor.
speaker7
July 29, 2013
I get the feeling that you think Bob Filner’s two-week rehabilitation isn’t going to take.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
That’s exactly what precipitated this post. I read that Filner was doing a two-week rehab and I went completely wiggy, like frothing at the mouth wiggy. I envisioned writing a scathing post, filled with venom. Then I realized that it would do nothing but get me even angrier. So instead I just went into the Land of the Bizarre. And then got a big bowl of ice cream.
Hippie Cahier
July 29, 2013
On the news this morning, I heard ” . . . a defiant Wiener. . .” and all I could think was, “What a hard-headed creep. Literally.”
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
He defies all logic.
mimijk
July 29, 2013
Laughing and shaking my head at the same time…There’s no doubt that when people engage in unacceptable gross behavior, they try to rationalize their actions. When they’re in a position of power (whether real or perceived is a topic for another day), it is impossible to see any outcome that involves true humility or self-awareness.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
Self-awareness and humility don’t exist in their atmosphere. Neither does personal responsibility. Sigh.
benzeknees
July 29, 2013
It’s amazing how men never get past the stage of !!!!Boobs!!!!! they got into when they were about 12 years old. It seems their brains don’t grow any past this age either!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
Arrested development is bad enough, without it being in elected officials.
K.L.Richardson
July 29, 2013
Woman, you crack me up!! Oops, am I allowed to say that?
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
Just don’t let any of those guys see your comment.
JackieP
July 29, 2013
Loved it. 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
Thanks, Jackie.
Nataly
July 29, 2013
Hysterical! You should send this to the NY Post!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
I’ll bet the NY Post is having a field day with all this stuff. The staff is probably working overtime.
Susan in TX
July 29, 2013
You make me laugh. You make me cry. In today’s Andy Borowitz column (The New Yorker) he reports that Anthony Wiener has appointed a certain body part to be his new campaign manager. Reasoning? Said body part was making all the decisions anyway.
We MUST keep our sense of humor. On the bright side, at least the world is not talking about the dumb things Rick Perry is doing.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
I love that. Their cover was spot on. And you are right. Rick Perry gets a huge break, along with all the other doofuses out there.
Susan in TX
July 29, 2013
My other fave today is Washington Post blogger Alexandra Petri: Fixing San Diego Mayor Bob Filner. She gives her version of his two-week therapy schedule.
Day 6: Treat women like you would treat any person, unless the way you would treat that person is to encourage her not to wear underwear and harass her physically in the elevator. Then, no.
Day 8: Seriously, how did you get elected to office?
Laughing better than crying.
Steve Kallio
July 29, 2013
Well done!!! I love it. Keep it up
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
Thanks, Steve, and welcome to Life in the Boomer Lane.
kateyleigh
July 29, 2013
I’ve always thought that feminist women, since they are so determined women are victimized always and men are scum, were hanging out with the wring men. These three prove that to be true.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 29, 2013
These men are the worst examples of “wrong.”
kateyleigh
July 29, 2013
I agree. It’s too bad these are the types of men some women have as an example of a man. Cuz there are many more out there that wouldn’t behave like them.
sheenmeem
July 29, 2013
It’s unbelievable. A lovely sight.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 30, 2013
Unbelievable is right.
Ray's Mom
July 29, 2013
Is this a congressional meeting with professor O, Nancy and Harry leading the class? Oh how will they control these fine upstanding politicians?
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 30, 2013
So far, no one has been able to.
Valentine Logar
August 1, 2013
I want to teach this class, where do I sign up? This was awesome. Their egos must fill stadiums.
pegoleg
August 2, 2013
I have a feeling if all the skeletons were exposed in all the political closets, you’d have to make your class a video lecture with TAs monitoring classrooms all over the country. Something about the thirst for power implicit in political office seems to draw very flawed people. Or else we just subject them to a much tougher scrutiny than the rest of us have to endure. Hell if I know which is true. What I DO know, is you is wicked funny, Ms. Renee. Again. And again, and again…
CMSmith
August 7, 2013
Yeh. I don’t even pay attention to this stuff anymore. I think I’ve had my lifetime quota of it. But I’m glad you can laugh about it.