The Final Flush

Posted on April 13, 2011


all purpose mani/pedi/colonoscopy/endoscopy/alien camera procedure room


A very short update on the tiny camera/spaceship in my body.  The hospital called today.  This was the conversation:

Hey, Renee, this is Christine from the hospital.  How are you doing? Pain? Discomfort?

Fine. No pain, nothing.

Great.  I think I saw you in the nail place.  Tiffany Nails, right?

(Renee now frantically requests the brain cells that are in charge of her Department of Intestinal Affairs to make room for those in charge of Cute Mani/Pedis)  

Uh, right.

So, did you like that new gel lacquer manicure?

Uh, actually I hate the color. My nails look like the inside of a seashell, all iridescent pink and blue sparkly.  I look 11 years old. 

What follows is an in-depth analysis by Christine of the new gel lacquer  procedure (good), the colors that were offered (too few) and the conclusion that the French manicure color was the best. By now, the entire Department of Internal Affairs has vacated.  The Department of Cute Mani/Pedis has taken over, and everything in my brain is getting all feminine and adorable and speaking with a Vietnamese accent. 

Christine continued: So, anyway, don’t worry if you never see the camera.  A lot of people never do. Take care. And maybe I’ll see you at Tiffany Nails again!  –CLICK– 

The camera? (Frantic re-assemblage of the Department of Internal Affairs.  All hell is breaking loose. Brain cells and chairs are being knocked over. Mani-Pedi cells are kvetching up a storm.  At one point, a manicurist is administering a colonoscopy).  I still don’t understand why I wouldn’t see the camera, but at least I know now to get the French manicure color the next time. So I guess it was a valuable phone call, after all.

Posted in: humor, satire