For many thousands of years, mankind has wondered when old age began. Mostly, it began about a week after puberty. In the Middle Ages, reaching age 21 was the goal. If you made it tht far, you had a pretty good shot at living into your 60s. Of course, your teeth would have all rotted out and your eyesight would have been gone. But if you avoiding the plague and bloodletting, you’d have it made.
Beginning at the turn of the 20th century, life spans started steadily rising, from 45.7 years to 88 years, now. A lot of that rise was due to the decrease in infant mortality and the vast array of drugs that have been introduced to the market, which allowed more people to aspire to saying things like, “This getting old stuff sucks.” .
It wasn’t until Boomers appeared on the planet that the concept of old age began to be threatened. Boomers, in an effort to eliminate old age completely, invented Spanx, cosmetic surgery, Viagra, and the belief that they looked 10 years younger than they really were.
But, in spite of their best efforts, old age refused to go away. So the question was, when did old age really begin? It was confusing. Asking actually people resulted in differing answers:
5-year-olds: Old age begins at 13.
13-year-olds: Old age begins at 30.
30-year-olds: Old age begins at 50.
50-year-olds: Old age begins at 75.
75-year-olds: Never. And go away.
Luckily, we now know for sure when old age begins. The Mirror reports that, in a survey of 2,000 Britons, 68 is the true age at which middle age ends and “old age” begins. For those of you who are expecting that LBL will now delve into the trashing minutia of the research, for your edification and enjoyment, you are out of luck. This is because, in writing this post, she found a reference to another study, very similar to this one, also conducted in the UK, that identified age 80 as the start of old age. This study was done in 2014.
This sudden alarming disparity in what constitutes old age caused LBL to ask the following: What happened between 2014 and 2015 that suddenly speeded up the onset of old age in the UK? And, did this also happen in the US? LBL took a look at the major events of the past year that would have had this effect. Most of them came down to the inexplicable rise in popularity of Donald Trump, Ben Carson, and selfies.
LBL is understandably concerned about this. She feels she has just lost 12 years of being safely middle-aged and has unceremoniously been catapaulted into old age. She has not been prepared for this. She has never even understood what ‘old age’ means. She has consulted with online dictionaries to get the definition of old age. They are vague and can be interpreted any number of ways (‘the final stage of life,’ ‘being a grandparent,’ ‘being retired’, and on and on) and have been of no help. ‘The final stage of life’ is a meaningless phrase. LBL is a grandparent. LBL is not retired. LBL still wears heels.
Then she discovered something that was a huge help. Studies have distinguished the ‘young old,’ the ‘middle old,’ and the ‘very old.’ The actual ages that fit each group differ widely, accourding to which sorce one is looking at. This was a great relief to LBL, because no matter the difference, her age (68) was always plunked solidly into the ‘young old’ group. LBL believed she was beyond being called ‘young’ anything, so this was a mighty pleasant surprise.
Now the only thing she has to worry about will be another study next year that will declare that old age starts at 55, moving LBL into the ‘middle old’ demographic. In two years, another study declaring an even earlier onset of old age could result in her being declared ‘old old’ without ever being given enough time to make the transition from heels to sensible shoes. The thought makes her head spin. LBL is considering wearing a badge that says, ‘Be patient with me. I’m training to be an old person.’
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ugiridharaprasad
November 13, 2015
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
Thanks for the reblog!
Emily Cannell- Hey From Japan
November 13, 2015
When we lived in Japan- someone asked how old my Dad was- 77- to which they responded “oh! So young!” Apparently 85 is “young old”
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
That’s a great response.
Anne Whitaker
November 13, 2015
I loved this, LBL! A brilliant woman scientist and writer whose name, of course, I forget, expressed the firm view, apparently research based – which as we all know is totally reliable indicator of every matter under the sun – that middle age begins at 44 and ceases at 78. So, I have instructed all my nearest and dearest very firmly that they are on no account even to THINK of me as old until the day after my 78th birthday. That gives both of us 10 years, by the way. Plenty of time for you to change your shoe habits…
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
The problem with all of these studies is that they are based on people’s opinions of what old age means. And probably, at some point, people can’t even read the questions. Given 10 years, I will work on sensible shoes and my maturity level. I haven’t made much progress on that sonce age 15.
Anne Whitaker
November 13, 2015
That’s cheering to hear, LBL!
Kate Crimmins
November 13, 2015
We are the same age. You may be in “young old” but I am just coming out of puberty entering into very early middle age. I have the pimples to prove it. Also, I am very impressed that you still wear heels!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
Only Daughter took exception to my saying I wore heels. They are about 3.5-4 inches but are thick, so I don’t keel over. I also wear high platforms. So for a young old, they qualify as heels, right?
Kate Crimmins
November 13, 2015
Yes they do! They qualify at any age.
ammaponders
November 13, 2015
I want one of those buttons!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
Maybe I should go into business selling them.
euphoriciraqisinglemom
November 13, 2015
Love this!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
Thanks!
Keith
November 13, 2015
A comedian once said middle age is 15 years older than you are at any moment. So, I guess old age is at least 15 years older than that. I still refuse to accept the AARP monthly invitations.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
I ignored AARP until I realized that most of the people pictured were at least 10 years younger than me. Now I embrace it.
mercyn620
November 13, 2015
I define young old as when you become a parent, middle old when the kids leave home, and very old when the kids return home to take care of you…
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
Love it.
dufmanno
November 13, 2015
Screw this. Old age is obsolete. I’m going to be 103, wearing my tent dress and ray bans at the pool while jetting around on my hovercraft and swallowing immortality pills.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 13, 2015
Good luck.I’ve decided that my earrings will get bigger each year, to distract everyone from looking at the rest of me.
gliderpilotlee
November 13, 2015
When a photo is taken and I don’t really want to recognize the old guy.
When my favorite friend to hang out with refuses to go to AcroYoga with me.
When that same woman finds a younger guy. Oh, that one really sucks outloud!
When I consider a move to Florida because I can’t take the cold.
And BS gets deeper–
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 14, 2015
Great stuff for a post, Lee. The photos can be downright scary.
gliderpilotlee
November 14, 2015
Oh,s.. mostly I still get positive feedback from my immediate family, but just because they know I’m 64, doing way younger guy stuff. Rules: never take a selfie, the age of the face skin and neck. Sure the throne pose pic from acro yoga jam was tight balanced, until the receding hair pokes me in the eye.
Andrew Reynolds
November 13, 2015
I first felt old when I turned 15. I’ve never gotten over it.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 14, 2015
Seriously laughing.
Little Voice
November 14, 2015
I like the t-shirt that reads ‘old is the new black’. Pretty much says it all.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 14, 2015
It’s perfect, isn’t it?
Poppies and Popcorn
November 14, 2015
Love this! I’ve scheduled a re-blog of your post for next Tuesday. I hope that’s okay.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 14, 2015
Thanks for the reblog!
John Kraft
November 15, 2015
My driver’s license says that I’m 69,but my wife insists that I’m 11 most days.
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 16, 2015
I can relate.
aginggracefullymyass
November 15, 2015
OMG, that potato is the best! And I love the sprouts coming out of his ears – looks like my husband! Slight correction – the Boomers didn’t really invent cosmetic surgery (although we have perfected the out-patient routine), but we ARE the brainchildren of injecting botullinum toxin produced by the Clostridium botulinum bacteria into our faces to paralyze our facial muscles to look younger. Gee – why didn’t anybody think of that earlier?
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 16, 2015
The Egyptian mummies probably had something like that. Boomers simply applied it to live people.
Miriam B
November 18, 2015
Love this … it really made my morning! As cliched as it is, we’re only as old as we feel! I’ve just turned 50 but feel 20 years younger – except when my legs hurt, I can’t see and I can’t find my glasses!!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
November 18, 2015
And it gets worse. I just spent two days searching for my keys that were under the front seat of my car. And my daughter read my blog post and texted me to say “Mom, you do NOT wear heels!” I said, “Hey, they might not be stilettoes, but they are HEELS.And they feel pretty high to me.” And I suspect my days are numbered with those.
Miriam B
November 18, 2015
You make me laugh! What similarities we share! I call my daughter the “Fashion Police” as she now comments on whatever I put on, shoes, heels and otherwise! 🙂