Revered Leader, in Missive #2,408 last week, referred to our money being “stollen.” Life in the Boomer Lane was quite concerned and checked her bank account. Sure enough, it consisted only of iced pastries, filled with dried fruits and nuts. In order to get to the bottom of this, she went to her nearest bakery.
She confronted the humanoid at the counter. “I used to have money,” she xplained, “But now all I have is stollen.”
“You must have purchased the stollen,” was the response.
“Actually no,” LBL explained.” I wouldn’t have done that. Stollen is my very least favorite pastry. I feel like it can’t be trusted. I’m not a pastry person in general, but a good almond croissant would be something I wouldn’t turn down.”
“We don’t sell croissants anymore. This is an America First Bakery.”
“How about chocolate chip cookies?”
“No mixing of flavors. You can buy straight vanilla or straight chocolate.”
“Donuts?”
“Again, not invented in the US.”
“I’m running out of options. How about–“
“Let me stop you right here. We sell no products other than those that originated in the US. Otherwise, it would indicate that we have been infiltrated by lesser peoples. America First, remember?”
“Wasn’t stollen created in Germany?”
“You would think so, but actually the origen of stollen is a mystery, so we can sell it. Do you like angel food cake? That was created here.”
“I put angel food cake next to stollen in my dessert preferences.”
“Boston cream pie, pecan pie, banana pudding, key lime pie, and whoopie pies. That’s the entire ist.”
“I didn’t come here to buy baked goods. I’d rather have my money back.”
“I’m afraid that is impossible. Everyone’s funds were reorganized to eliminate waste, fraud and unnecessary independence. Our research showed us that pastries were a good subsitute for cash.”
“So where is my money now?”
“It’s in a big pool of funds that can be used for a military parades, wrestling matches, and gun delivery services. These are things that benefit everyone.
“I don’t want any of those things.”
“You can’t not want them. These things are patriotic. They are the true foundation of democracy. Everyone automatically wants them.”
“I’m not getting anywhere, am I?”
“That all depends on your attitude. Meanwhile, take home a bag of stollen. I’ll automatically deduct them from your bank account. The icing is very fresh.”
“Is there anybody else I can talk to?”
“I’m afraid not. Research has found that dissatisfaction is not productive or efficient. Take the stollen. It’s really what is best. And come back anytime. It’s been a pleasure to serve you.”
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Anonymous
February 12, 2025
Thanks for the attempt but what is going on is ceasing to be humorous (at least to me). The cruelty and utter disregard for anything in the least bit sane or sensible is breathtaking. Forget any idea of actually really caring about the people you are impacting.
Well, I guess all of those who wanted the country run “like a business” are getting what you asked for. Oh, you wanted it run like a successful business. I guess you needed to be more specific. And it’s less than 20 days into this disaster.
At least we got the “Gulf of America” onto the map. Big Win!
My only hope is that… -wait, wait, I have no hope.
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 12, 2025
Agreed, agreed, agreed. I debated about trying for humor, then decided that the stollen deserved a nod. We are, all of us (or rather the 47% who disapprove) immersed in the same thoughts, fears, anxieties, horror, etc. And, as for the “run it like a business” model, you’ve nailed it. No business I know of would survive in this manner.
geezenslaw
February 14, 2025
Yes LBL, a post in jest is much better than a rant…
I don’t keep a diary or journal just a boat log and spreadsheet…
Oh, I forgot about my list I’ve started from reading: Richardson and Reich…
My ‘list’ began with about 20+ names or so…
Seems to be expanding steadily everyday…
Orbán, Trump, Musk, Giuliani, Ellis, Clark, Powell, Chesebro, Eastman, Smith, Bannon, Hawley, Proud Boys, Miller, McConnell, Mace, Patel, Gaetz, Bondi, Fetterman, Wiles, Rubio, Blanche, Kennedy, Vought, Stefanik, Homan, Hegseth, Collins, Waltz, Burgum, Wright, Duffy, Tuberville, Lutnick, McMahon, Bessent, Chavez-DeRemer, McGinley, Thune, Whitaker, Noem, Turner, Ratcliffe, Gabbard, Zeldin, Sauer, Makary, Rollins, Weldon, Carr, Oz, Nesheiwat, Huckabee, Hoekstra, Clayton, Ramaswamy, Scavino, Blair, Budowich, Gor, Cheung, Leavitt, Haley, Phelan, Bhattacharya, Greer, O’Neill, Hassett, Kellogg, Kushner, Chronister, Ramaswammy, Johnson, Lake, SCOTUS and many Fed Judges, Red state governors and the Robber Barons: Elon Musk, Elez, Jeff Bezos, Peter Thiel, David Sacks, Charles Koch, Jeff Yass, Ken Griffin, and Rupert Murdoch, Mike Collins, Zuckerberg, Altman, Google, Amazon, Ulbricht, Rhodes, Tarrio, McHenry, Oath Keepers, QAnon, White Supremacists, Ohio State Regular Militia, Three Percent, Milei, Ron/Rand Paul, Palihapitiya, Ackman, Rogan, Kalanick, Armstrong, Dimon, Lankford, Cruz, Massie, Cornyn, Paxton, Abbott, Bean, Ernst, Moskowitz, Moore, Estes, MTG, Lee, Jenner, Cotton, Vermeule, Manafort, Tillis, Bove…