
Eschatology within Christian theology, derived from two Greek words meaning “last” and “study,” is the study of ‘end things’, whether the end of an individual life, or the end of the age. This, then, seems a perfect time to discuss the massive end of things that is staring humans in the eyeballs right now. What follows are a list of ends:
Life as we know it. This is being provided compliments of Covid-19. Life in the Boomer Land has been keeping a long list about the demise of life as we know it. The list has gotten way too unwieldy to keep track of, other than to note that butter consumption is plummeting and frozen pizza consumption is soaring.
Boomer Rule on Earth. Millennials have now usurped the position of most populous age group in the US of A. It’s been a tough burden to carry all this time, and now Boomers can finally relax and look forward, instead, to the end of life as we know it.
The long-standing tradition in which presidents refrain from giving medical advice to the general population. It makes sense to change this practice. Presidents are already Commander-in-Chief, being able, with absolutely no military training, to move countless soldiers across the planet, like some real-life game of Risk. Why not, then, formalize this into Doctor-in-Chief, and add this to the President’s curriculum vitae? Nightly press briefings could then center around the president offering advice for whatever ailments journalists hurl at them, like cancer, heart disease, and skin tags.
The Age of Pisces. In an astute move, astrologers the world over agree that the Age of Pisces is ending, but disagree as to just when that is going to happen. This lets them off the hook as the centuries slide by, from folks asking, “ Is this the Age of Aquarious? Are we there yet? I’m hungry. I have to pee.” LBL has fond memories of sitting in someone’s dorm room or apartment, stoned on love and whatever pheromones were in abundance in the late 60’s, and bellowing the refrain “This is the Age of Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius!” all through the night. By morning, the world hadn’t changed one bit, except she was sleep-deprived and ill-prepared for her early morning sociology class.
Astute Loyal Readers may now be asking, “What about the retribution that was promised? Ah, that. Yes. Retribution, as we know, is the comeuppance that reigns upon us, usually attributed to the moment of death. This is in direct contrast to a death in which a blinding white light leads us to departed loved ones, against a backdrop of a chorus of in-tune angels and a guy with a white beard smiling benevolently at us.
Instead, our eschatological retribution can be somewhat of a downer, meting out punishment for any number of infractions, most of them created by the sincere belief that there is no such thing as eschatological retribution.
LBL has no pipeline to celestial or spiritual matters. She leaves it up to Readers to believe whatever they choose to believe about anything that they choose to have thoughts about. She, herself, believes that at the Big Bang Moment of one’s life, all of the erroneous beliefs one has held since the moment of one’s birth will be revealed, mostly involving ex spouses, snakes, and the person they voted for in 2016. The End will thus be a string of “Ah-ha”s and “Damn”s and “Seriously?”s. And, like Twinkies, these awarenesses will last forever. That’s Eschatological Retribution in Action.
Oh, and one final thought: The unnamed person who was voted for in 2016 will get to spend eternity in the bosom of the people he loves to love. No more golf games or private jets or gold-encrusted lifestyle. Instead, it will be a world populated solely by the plain folks who attend his rallies. That’s Eschatological Retribution at its finest.
Shelley
April 27, 2020
it is so great to start the day with a belly laugh. Thanks for that.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 28, 2020
You are welcome, Shelly. I will continue to keep readers posted with the most significant thoughts of our time. Everyone says so.
Gail
April 27, 2020
Your last line is a gem 🙂
Peter's pondering
April 27, 2020
Oh, if only we could pre book guaranteed viewing rights. Where do I sign up?
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 28, 2020
I wish.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 28, 2020
Keith
April 27, 2020
Renee, that is one nice big word, one that needs to be said slowly. One of the things that amazes me is how that he-who-shall-not-be-named person can not only fool people in believing what he says, but to be anointed to God-ordained status. If those same folks worked for him, they would have quit long ago, someone who takes credit for all good and blames others for all bad – the worst kind of boss.
The other is the post I wrote after the newly ordained doctor gave medical advice to do an internal cleansing with disinfectant. After watching thirty nine months of this, I finally said “Mr. president, if you can’t add value, please stop talking.” What is not a surprise is even Republican leaders have been asking the president to stop opining at his COVID-19 press conferences.
Two attributed quotes from Mark Twain come to mind for each of these subjects.
– It is easier to fool someone than convince them they have been fooled.
– It is better to let people think you are a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Many folks have worried for a long time, what will happen when he-who-shall-not-be-named faces a real crisis. Now, we know – naysay it, downplay it, call it a hoax until you no longer cannot, then tell everyone you never said the things you did. Right now, he and his sycophants are telling everyone he was being sarcastic about the Lysol thing. Really? And, the Wizard of Oz told us not to look behind the curtain, too. Keith
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 28, 2020
Trump’s life has been defined by how little he values other human beings. The deaths of tens of thousands of those human beings he has sworn to protect is, for him, reduced to one more opportunity for air time. I have run out of words to do justice to my contempt for him.
Keith
April 28, 2020
Renee, just when you think he has stooped low, he finds a way to go lower. I am having a hard time coming up with the best metaphor for his presidency. I think I will write a post with several and have folks tell me. The “ingesting disinfectant” is a good candidate, but it has a lot of others to contend with. Keith
Andrew Reynolds
April 27, 2020
so if there are now more Millennials than Boomers, can I retire now and leave screwing up the world to them?
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 28, 2020
Yes. It is our right. But you do realize that they took up the mantle at a time when we are prevented from using our great wealth to continue our self-absorbed lives of leisure and endless cruises. Why isn’t anyone complaining about this?
Widdershins
April 28, 2020
One can hope.