Your Life in Trash

Posted on August 1, 2018


Some years ago, when Life in the Boomer Lane decided to create a stone patio/terrace in her backyard, she hired a man whose father had been a gifted stone mason. Allegedly, the son had been taught by his dad.  Although the project began well, the son’s drinking and unreliability ended with LBL paying the last installment and telling him to leave before the job was actually finished. Someone else then had to come in to correct what had been done.

The patio is beautiful, but everytime LBL steps outside, she is aware of what guests don’t see, that the entire in-fill under the stones was created by mountains of trash (the stone mason’s own beer and liquor bottles and cans were especially abundant).  At the time, LBL didn’t know if this was a common material used for in-fill, but it has always bothered her a bit since then about what might be going on under her feet.

For that reason, LBL was gratified to know that she is actually on the cutting edge of construction technique. According to an article on, all sorts of discarded materials are being used to build homes and other types of buildings.  Actual trash is bundled into large cubes and used as walls and foundations of homes. Plastic jugs are used for construction, as well as being made into pretty amazing art installations. Empty ice cream cartons and old stackable office chairs are used in place of bricks or wood to create uber-contemporary buildings in Europe. Virtually anything at all can be used to construct anything at all.

This gave LBL some ideas we can use here at home in the Land of the Free-if-You-Belong-Here to construct our buildings:

Those of you who have been printing out and saving all of POTUS’ tweets, might have noticed that your house is now full to bursting. You certainly don’t want to trash them, as they are akin to religious relics. Instead, consider donating them to the government for use as building materials in government buildings and monuments. That way, you can always imagine the strength of those words serving as the foundation of public buildings or even The Wall.

MAGA Caps. The next round of caps will surely say “We DID Make America Great Again and There is NO Collusion.” There might even be an additional message in very tiny script: “And even if there was collusion, there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever uh uh no way.” All this will make your current caps a bit obsolete. Consider donating these old caps to be used as construction materials. Take comfort in knowing that these caps have covered the heads of some of the greatest thinkers in American history.

Printouts of All the Emails You Have Ever Received that detail how the Dems and/or Hillary and/or Obama’s legacy are destroying the planet. If you haven’t printed them out already, don’t start. This is just in case you have already been printing them out and planned to be buried with them. Now you can donate them to be buried somewhere else, much more high-profile.

Patriotic tee shirts/sweatshirts worn/flaunted at Trump rallies. Don’t regret donating these to be used as building materials. Think about all the swells who patronize Mar-a-Lago. They don’t wear that stuff. They wear crazy expensive logo stuff, stuff you will certainly be able to afford yourself, once the new tax code benefits get around to you. In fact, you can dream about being a guest at Mar-a-Lago yourself, one day. Unless, of course, Mar-a-Lago is overrun by MS-13 gang members who got inside when Dems unlocked the doors and waved them in.

Your dog-eared copy of Democracy for Dummies.  This is filled with totally no- longer-needed information about the Constitution, Bill of Rights, Checks and Balances, and a Free Press. You don’t need any of that.  It’s old stuff and is probably fake anyway. Throw it into the pile for donation. We are beyond all that. All you need is to follow POTUS’ Twitter account and to scream “Merry Christmas!” as loud as you can, year-round.