How 140 Characters Will End the World

Posted on September 27, 2017


For those readers who are unable to follow the often confusing timeline of US/N Korean shenanigans,  the following is a timeline (induced almost entirely by whatever is in Life in the Boomer Lane’s head this morning) of presidential Tweets, N Korean bleats, and administration tap dancing feet, regarding N Korea:

N Korea claims it has conducted its first successful test of an intercontinental ballistic missile, or ICBM, that can “reach anywhere in the world.”

Trump: N Korea tests ICBM. Loser Kim Jung Un’s days are numbered.

North Korea threatens a nuclear strike on “the heart of the US” if it attempts to remove Kim as Supreme Leader.

T: N Korea threatens nuclear strike. They will be sorry. Loser nation. Un-American. 

North Korea’s military announcing it is “examining the operational plan” to strike areas around the US territory of Guam with medium-to-long-range strategic ballistic missiles, follows with “We spit on Trump.”

T: #FailingNKorea better take that back. They will be sorry.

N Korea carries out its sixth test of a nuclear weapon, causing a 6.3 magnitude seismic event, as measured by the United States Geological Survey, follows with “We take nothing back. The president is a buffoon.”

T: N Korea is a big fat loser country led by Big Fat Buzzcut Rocket Man.

N Korea fires a missile over Japan, follows with “The US president is a joke and we will destroy him.”

T: We are locked and loaded. We are spit-shined. We are camera-ready.

N Korea fires off something or other, follows with “The US president is a dotard, a retard, and a cus-tard.  Worse, he is a big boogie.”

T: We are now declaring total annihilation of North Korea. I love the smell of napalm in the morning!  Kim Jung Un is a bigger boogie and so was his dad!

NK fires off something else it shouldn’t, followed by “Nobody calls Kim Jung Il a boogie. This is an act of war.”

The Administration enters the conversation: “We haven’t declared war on North Korea.”

T: We will blow you to bits and then stomp on the bits!  Boogie! Boogie! Boogie!

NK fires off something scary, follows with “We will set your hair on fire.”

Administration: We are continuing serious negotiations with the N Koreans.

T: All the generals are sitting with me and we are looking at a big map of N Korea. They let me draw a big bulls eye on it with black Magic Marker!

NK: “We are at war. We will shoot anything that moves.”

Administration:  We have not declared war on N Korea. We are negotiating.

T: The time for negotiating is over! Time for blowing them up! Time for blowing a lot of things up!  Let’s blow everything up!

NK fires off ballistic missiles with Trump’s face on them, follows with “We will blow you up first, Old Fat Boogie Guy.”

Administration: We are not at war. Nobody is blowing anybody up. Nobody is a boogie. Negotiations are going well.

T: We are going to erase N Korea from the map and replace it with a Trump Golf Course! Make America Great Again! Locked and loaded! Kim exploded!  N Korea outmoded and imploded! 

Administration: Negotiations are ongoing. We continue to be optimistic.