Assorted Military Brass and Cabinet Members: Sir, you have called us all together so that you may reveal your secret weapon against terror. We are anxious to hear it.
Trump: Losers.
But we are highly decorated military, sir, as well as your Cabinet. We are not losers.
Not you. Terrorists.
Can you explain?
Sure. We want to get rid of terrorists, right? I have a lot of experience with getting rid of people. Nobody has gotten rid of more people than me. You can ask anyone. They will agree. I know how to get rid of people. I fired people left and right on my show. I get rid of people all the time. I actually love getting rid of people: wives, employees, Miss Universe contestants, you name it. It’s fun to get rid of people. Terrorists are people. Or at least I think they are, right?
We are waiting.
OK, so here’s the thing: There is nothing wose than being a loser. I know, because I’m a winner. That means I never lose. I have never lost anything in my life. If you call someone a loser, they disappear. My ex-wives were losers. Gone. Comey. Gone. Hillary. Gone. Long list. All losers. Gone.
What does this have to do with terrorism?
We start calling them losers, just like I did last night, when I talked about the suicide bomber in the UK. We do it a lot. Loser, loser, loser. We say it on TV. We Tweet about it. We put it online. Loser. It’s brilliant. I thought of it myself. After awhile, everyone thinks these guys are losers. Who wants to follow a loser? No one. Everyone wants a winner. I got the biggest electoral vote in history. I’m a winner.
I’m not sure ISIS will care, Sir. They think they have a religious mandate.
Whoa, you mean they are homos, in addition to being killers? That’s really bad.
Sir, mandate, as in the authority to behave a certain way. ISIS is guided by extremist principles. They don’t really understand the concept of losing or being losers. It’s them against the world. They represent God.
Oh, I didn’t know that. OK, they don’t believe in winners and losers. How about being fake? Can we use that? We can call them fake terrorists: On TV. Online. On Twitter. Fake, fake, fake.
Sir, that won’t work either. You know, the God thing.
OK, this is tough. The whole God thing is tough. OK, how about calling their God a loser God or a fake God? Online, on Twitter, on TV. I can make a speech about their fake, loser God. It’s brilliant. You can ask anyone.
Sir, we love this session, but we all have to go to attend to the business of government and protecting the country. Can we discuss this later?
Sure. I’ll stay here and throw out a few Tweets about their fake, loser God. I’ll also come up with more ideas. Maybe call them nut jobs?
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Peter's pondering
May 23, 2017
So scary that it could be true!
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 24, 2017
Alas, at this point, you could write just about anything and it could be true. We are all locked in the fun house.
Carl D'Agostino
May 23, 2017
I think the satire on Trump is funny and legitimate. But when author has Trump speak the line that his base will love this, well I don’t think he would do that. It insults his base. They are not as ignorant as Hillary and the left portray. They know their job was exported. They know wages have been stagnant for decades and their children know they will never own a house because of the capitalist exploitation of the working middle and that government burdens working middle class to subsidize programs for the rich and the poor. They are not stupid hicks.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 23, 2017
Carl, thanks for your comments. I felt uncomfortable to have written that last sentence, and I’ve changed the end of the post. I believe that many of the people who voted for Trump had legitimate grievances. I also believe that some of them were voting against Hillary. Others simply believed that Trump would name a conservative to the Court, as he did. And, like voters of both parties, many voted for the image without paying much attention to the issues. Democrats failed to see that technology was leaving vast sections of the country behind. Trump spoke to those people. With all due respect to the very real issues of wages and middle class burdens, what I’m seeing now will not help any of that. Virtually every single proposal Trump has made will put more money into the pockets of the upper 1/10th of 1 percent and will create huge burdens for the working class. Re-visit Trump voters several years from now and ask them if their lives are any better. I suspect I know the answer to that.
daveyone1
May 23, 2017
Reblogged this on World Peace Forum.
Life in the Boomer Lane
May 24, 2017
Thanks for the reblog!
Lies Jack Kerouac told Me
May 24, 2017
If nothing else, get the man a thesaurus…damn!
Linda
May 30, 2017
This reads like a Saturday Night Live opener with Alec Baldwin – wonderful!
Autumn Cote
June 3, 2017
Would it be OK if I cross-posted this article to WriterBeat.com? I’ll be sure to give you complete credit as the author. There is no fee, I’m simply trying to add more conttent diversity for our community and I liked what you wrote. If “OK” please let me know via email.
Autumn
AutumnCote@WriterBeat.com