When the Roof Caves In

Posted on May 19, 2016

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Lately, Life in the Boomer Lane has had a recurrent nightmare that the incessant rain in the area causing her roof to start leaking.  This feared event materialized on Tuesday.  LBL went up into the attic closet to get a canvas for her oil painting class. The attic walls were dripping, and wrapping paper and other assorted items were wet. LBL rushed to the phone and called her contractor, who, coincidently had been working on the exterior of the house that week and who inspected the roof the day before. He told LBL she needed a new roof. She ignored him and went back to foraging in the refrigerator.

“Did you do anything to the roof when you looked at it?” LBL asked the contractor, assuming he would give an answer that involved chain saws and small explosives as part of his inspection. His answer was that he had only looked at the roof, nothing more.

LBL and the contractor went downstairs to see if any damage had been done there. Upon a closer inspection, they noted that water was running down the living room walls, and the plaster was buckled.  The contractor also took a look outside and shared the news with LBL that one of her three chimneys was revealed to be in cahoots with the roof in creating the problem.

LBL was shocked, as she hadn’t been aware that she possessed three chimneys. The contractor assured her that she did, indeed, possess three chimneys, but that this one was apparently not needed, since it had a concrete cap that sealed it off. He suggested removing the chimney. LBL wondered what the market would be for a vintage chimney on eBay.

LBL tried to remain positive.  “At least Trump isn’t choosing Palin as his running mate,” she told her contractor, who wisely responded, “This is gonna cost you a bundle, and I need a huge deposit right now.”

Lo and behold, in Slate mag the following day, it was revealed that Palin is, indeed,now on Trump’s short list for VP. The thought of a Trump/Palin ticket is creating the same kind of obscene assault to LBL’s sensibilities as the water did to her living room plaster. She will, most likely, clean out her entire bank account to rectify the water problem, which will leave her no cash with which to start an anti-trump/Palin superpac.

In order for the contractor to pinpoint the exact source of the leak, all items had been removed from the huge storage area off the attic bedroom.  These items consisted mainly of everything Only Daughter had deemed worthy of saving, but not worthy of cluttering up her own residence.

All 20+ large cartons and other assorted paraphernalia were then dragged out into the bedroom area, where they succeeded in obliterating the bed. Then, all of the insulation was removed, creating an interesting motif across the floor, the front walk and the driveway. Large plastic sheets were tacked up all over, so as to keep the area dry until the main work could be started.

The good news is that LBL has no house guests staying with her at the moment.  The bad news is that they arrive on Sunday.  When they are gone, another guest arrives. In the meantime, the forecast is for more rain. LBL’s choice now is to delay the work until her guests leave and hope that the water doesn’t do any more damage. Or she can start the work and have her guests sleep on both the living room couch and futon in Now Husband’s study. Either way, she is screwed.  And, if Trump actually does choose Palin and is elected, the entire country may be, as well as the English language.

 

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