Shtupping for Charity

Posted on February 17, 2016



porn hub

Let’s give porn a break. The industry continues to grow by leaps and bounds, supported by the same society that reviles it. But the porn industry isn’t all bad.  For example, internet porn has allowed single guys to enjoy porn in the privacy of their own homes, rather than have to put raincoats on and travel to some seedy XXX-rated movie theater, where they probably don’t even sell popcorn. Now, porn has taken another positive leap forward, thanks to Pornhub, a popular internet porn site that wants to be the Robin Hood of the porn industry. To that end, the entertainment site that attracts 50 million visitors a day has launched “Pornhub Cares.”

It should be a relief for you to know that Americans spend over $358 billion annually on charity and only $13 billion on porn.  Still, $13 billion is nothing to sneeze at. (With $13 billion, Life in the Boomer Lane could declare for the presidency, and have enough left over to get a new back storm door)  What if some of that porn loot could be directed toward helping any number of worthwhile charities, instead of simply making life happy for that solo guy, sitting in front of his laptop on a Saturday evening?

But, don’t dance up and down yet. Life in the Boomer Lane is about to wipe that smile off your face.  It keeps trying to give money away, but most charities keep refusing it.  The NY Post reports that Pornhub has tried to give money to breast cancer research, testicular cancer awareness, and has opened a pop up shop in New York, selling wieners. LBL will now bypass all of the obvious, sophomoric jokes here, in order to move on to other material worthy of obvious, sophomoric jokes.

Pornhub has also announced a $25,000 Pornhub college scholarship.  Applicants must write essays and have 3.2 GPAs to qualify.  LBL suspects that all red-blooded male American college seniors, as well as many females, will probably try for the scholarship.  It’s just too priceless to pass up.

An Arbor Day group accepted a donation but did not want Pornhub to identify it publicly. Apparantly, even trees have their standards. LBL is still trying to come up with something clever to say about trees and sex, aside from the obvious phallic symbol, here. Readers more clever than she is are invited to give their ideas. Just don’t go overboard. Some of you are entirely too funny. You know who you are.

While Pornhub keeps trying to give money away, they have also started a legitimate clothing line (we are talking legitimate clothing, not crotchless panties and studded neck collars).  They tried to enter New York Fashion Week but were denied. They also tried to run an ad during the Super Bowl, but were turned down by CBS.

So, what’s a poor little porn site supposed to do? Pornhub keeps knocking on doors, asking Johnny’s mommy if Johnny can come out to play and being told that Johnny isn’t available.

LBL would like to offer Pornhub suggestions of how they can spend their booty (pun intended).  Start a Superpac. No one will turn that down. Or give all donations anonymously. Of course, that negates the publicity Pornhub would get. Or start a Pornhub Foundation. Or, just give the cash to LBL. She will dispense of it as she sees fit, keeping only enough for herself to get the back storm door.