Guerrilla Aging: The Dating Cess(Pool)

Posted on May 9, 2014

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religious-narcissists

 

Life in the Boomer Lane appreciates that there are times in life when it’s tough to be transformational, tough to see the positive in situations, and even tougher to hold ourselves accountable when life doesn’t go as we hoped it would.  Those times often occur with dysfunctional relationships. Sometimes, it’s OK to have our own private tantrum.  To sink into self-pity, to blame others, to stamp our feet and to use bad words.  All that is fine, as long as we don’t wallow in the negative for too long. The goal is to wallow for a very short while,  then shake ourselves off and to start to move forward again.  

We hereby present the following temper tantrum from Sherman Bedford, who can sling it with the best of them, and then recover. 

*****

Dating again after being married for almost three decades is a whole new experience.  I am taking it in stride though,  open eyes and open heart.  Since I spend my days working online and I don’t want to go out every night to bars, I prefer to use the online h dating sites to weed out my prospects as a tool too.  Sometimes it works. I take my chances and hope to find my Mr. Right for Me.

The last guy that I had a “relationship” with, was quite a charmer who  looked fantastic on paper. We had some fun. It was short-lived took a few months, I am convinced it takes that long for the real personality to show up. Leopards can only hide their spots for a short time. They must come out.  He was a dark-haired handsome tall retired  surgeon with three grown sons,  who loved boating, fine dining, travel, like me , was married a long time, he played golf, enjoyed going to sporting events and lived in a gorgeous house on the beach .  

But something seemed off with him…he was OCD and addicted to Match.com.  He could not help himself from going on it all the time, it was an obsession.   A self-proclaimed nice guy, a giver, so he said, over and over..(he never gave me anything)  his ex-wife hated him vehemently, so much so that none of his friends were allowed to go out with him as couples and he was not invited to any of the social functions that he used to be included in.  He was ostracized from his world. I can only imagine why.    He loved himself a lot, or not.    I am sure there was no room for anyone other than him in his life.  He had a condescending attitude and I would figure him out relatively quickly. He was a first class liar. Pretty much a lying sack of shit. So she probably knew he was lying and cheating for years and let him, and he under estimated her. He probably embarrassed her. So she hates him for that. Like he underestimated me.

I found it humorous. Sort of. It took a little while until I figured him out, because I was not used to lying. However when I felt it in my gut, I knew.   I started falling for him and suddenly stopped.  So now, I have an aversion to men who are self proclaimed “givers”. Seems as if these “givers” have some passive aggressive resentment in their “giving” gene.  In my experience anyway.  Red flag.

This was a guy who liked to tell me little stories after we had sex. This was after he “gave” me an orgasm.  The giver that he was.  I like to call it sex, because it definitely was not love-making. It was great for me sex.  He always “gave” me amazing orgasms, but he had some kind of sexual issues. Still blames his ex-wife for his sexual issues.  He could not climax.  So instead he told me stories of his sexual conquests during his marriage, I listened as he pounded his chest so to speak, and  I got grossed out. That made me feel very sorry for him.   The more he talked the grosser he got. He went from sexy to ape in fifteen minutes, that is how long the story would take to tell.  Dr. Dickhead did not understand that it’s very unsexy to tell women sex stories after sex.  Especially when he couldn’t perform. Needless to say, our relationship had cracks and he bored the hell out of me.  In more ways than one.

I should have dumped the doc the first date when I heard him lie to a woman on the phone. I don’t know why he did it.  He lied to the woman he was dating before me with me in the room on speaker phone. So if he would lie to her with me present he will lie to me .  Leopards don’t change their spots.  I caught him lying to me and I accused and  him and he denied it.  I don’t accuse unless I am 100% sure. He dismissed me. That pissed me off.  I don’t know what pissed me off more. His dismissive nature or the lying. All I know is the behavior felt wrong. I broke up with him. So what does he do… The most comical thing ever. The next day he breaks up with me for me accusing him of lying.  Like duh.. We were already done in my mind…

What I learned from this is, if it feels wrong. It is wrong.  My gut knows for sure.  Handsome  on the outside, narcissist on the inside is a toxic combination.  Can’t waste time at this age and toxic is toxic! I choose me, I choose happy!

And yes, I am back online, still looking.

*****

If you would like to guest post for Guerrilla Aging, send your post to lifeintheboomerlane@gmail.com.

 

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