Interview With A Legend
The Reeses Peanut Butter cup was invented by H.B. Reese in 1923. Mr Reese, now age 112, resides in the Golden Oasis Retirement Home and Dog Training Facility in Ephrata, PA. He consented to the interview with the stipulation that it include a trip to Denny’s for the Grand Slamwich Breakfast.
LBL: Mr Reese—
HB: Are you here to restock my Depends?
LBL: Uh, no. I came to interview you.
HB: Where’s the Depends girl?
LBL: I don’t know. Can I interview you?
HB: I think she’s hot for me.
LBL: Uh, OK, so can I ask you some questions?
HB: I won’t tell you what HB stands for, if that’s what you want to know.
LBL: Actually, no. The peanut butter cup. It’s what you are famous for.
HB: Ask the Depends girl what I’m famous for.
LBL: I think we have to get back on track here. So, you invented the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup in 1923.
HB: If you say so. I, personally, can’t remember 1923 that well. I was busy inventing Time Magazine.
LBL: Well, you are the inventor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
HB: Right, that and a lot of other things.
LBL: But it was the peanut butter cup that made you famous.
HB: Yeah, funny how that goes. It should have been Viagra.
LBL: You invented Viagra? But that didn’t come out until 1994.
HB: Mine came out in 1929. I called it “Instant Party in Your Pants.” The party and the stock market went limp at the same time.
LBL: I can’t believe you invented Viagra.
HB: That’s not all kiddo. The birth control pill.
LBL: Wait a minute. I think you are pulling my leg.
HB: Hey, did the Depends girl sneak in here? That’s what she does. Or, at least she thinks it’s my leg.
LBL: I think you are a dirty old man.
HB: And I think you have a really stupid name. You Boomers are really full of yourselves. I’m sorry I ever invented the term “Baby Boomer.”
LBL:Can we get back to the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup?
HB: Sham Wow. I invented that also. Oh yeah, canned whole chickens. And a Do-it-Yourself Colonoscopy kit.
LBL:What about the peanut butter cup? I really don’t want to hear about anything but that.
HB: Chocolate. Peanut butter. Now you know everything there is to know. Mindless. I invented Tom Cruise. That took a lot more finesse, although I’ll admit that sometimes I regret having invented him. He gets on my nerves.
LBL: This interview might be over.
HB: Not without my trip to Denny’s, it’s not. I invented the Grand Slamwich, you know, or at least the liquid version.
*****
Need more Reese’s? We understand. It’s tough to eat just one. So, here are Reese’s Pieces:
Life in the Boomer Lane 
Lisa Wields Words
April 11, 2012
I can’t decide whether this series of posts from you all is genius or insanity (there is, after all, a fine line between the two). However, I will never forgive you for making me crave Peanut Butter Cups.
😉
gojulesgo
April 11, 2012
May I recommend “genius”? 😉
She's a Maineiac
April 11, 2012
Insanity mostly.
Amy
April 11, 2012
Geninsanity!
Lenore Diane
April 11, 2012
Insanely genious! Geniously insane! Trust me. I know insane. (She does. Really.)
Lisa Wields Words
April 11, 2012
I love all these responses. Geninsanity or Geniously insane work for me.
cindyricksgers
April 11, 2012
Very funny! You gave me my first big laugh of the morning…thanks!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
And you are welcome!
gojulesgo
April 11, 2012
hahaha I was just going to comment in response to your PB post comments that you are [especially] feisty today, and I like it, and then I read this post, and well, I still like it. I like it a lot. I will be giggling over “Ask the Depends girl what I’m famous for” and “Do-it-Yourself Colonoscopy kit” all day.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
I am feisty because I have consumed about 50,000 calories (mostly sugar) while our house guests were here. I am presently consuming an entire can of chocolate macaroons. Oh Happy Day.
Lisa Wields Words
April 11, 2012
I want some chocolate macaroons now.
Frank
April 11, 2012
More creativity in this post than I have in all my posts combined.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Ooh, Frank, you certainly know exactly what to say to lure a girl to your blog.
Running from Hell with El
April 11, 2012
Freakin’ hilarious! I was NOT expecting Depends, Viagra and colonoscopies! Great take on it. Now would you please help me figure out what to do with all the packages of Reese’s Cups that are lying around my house? We built cars and weird stuff with them . . . I am so sick of eating PB and chocolate, gah!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Find the nearest real estate office and donate them. Realtors will eat anything. It’s scary.
Running from Hell with El
April 11, 2012
LOL. That’s brilliant.
speaker7
April 11, 2012
I was getting mighty confused when I saw three blogs with the same title in my email. And now I’m more confused because I find myself strangely attracted to H.B.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
As he is to you. He probably invented you.
pegoleg
April 11, 2012
Fascinating interview, and how cool that H.B. gave you that old photo of his plant. I bet the Depends girl often thinks of hunks of chocolate when picking up his discards – sorry, didn’t need to go there.
Whoop, whoop, whoop!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Peg, I seriously never knew you were capable of such low life humor. I like that.
pegoleg
April 11, 2012
Something to do with the people I’ve been hanging out with lately.
Elyse
April 11, 2012
You journalists get all the fun interviews. Now you will know to bring Depends for each one — especially if RPBCs are involved, because I hear they cause GI probs!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
I’ve been known to OD on chocolate, then go out in public and wish I had Depends on.
She's a Maineiac
April 11, 2012
Hilarious! But you did mention a do-it-yourself colonoscopy so now I’m not so sure I like peanut butter cups anymore. Nah, I still love ’em!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Hey, don’t knock it. Maybe I can patent it.
Deborah the Closet Monster
April 11, 2012
Oh, how I wish this did not recall actual on-the-job experiences! 😀
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Now that’s funny!
bigsheepcommunications
April 11, 2012
Well, I’m just thankful he also invented the internet (sorry Al).
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
You bet!
spilledinkguy
April 11, 2012
Hahaha…
the tape of this interview (should you choose to accept it) will explode into a pile of PBC goo in three seconds.
Que the Depends girl.
Or Tom Cruise.
🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Both the depends Girl and Tom Cruise are standing by to answer fan mail or clean up the mess.
happykidshappymom
April 11, 2012
Fascinating. And I thought I knew my history! Guess I have some brushing up to do. Thanks for setting the record straight. (PS — if you want to add my link, my username is happykidshappymom, but my blog is Play 101 http://play101.wordpress.com.) 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Done. I actually did it before posting, but WP sent me a strange message about my corrections not taking. This time it took!
georgettesullins
April 11, 2012
You ladies are on a roll…how about serving up some “Rolo’s” please, pretty please with chocolate syrup, whipped cream? More your public wants more!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
We should seriosly do something like this every now and then, with like 50 bloggers at a time. Pick some random item and start writing.
Amy
April 11, 2012
Oh, man, this was hilarious!
“HB: Ask the Depends girl what I’m famous for.”
Totally cracked up at that!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Thanks, Amy. I’m waiting to get sued for defamation of character by the Reese family.
Lenore Diane
April 11, 2012
Sham Wow got me – along with many others. Nicely done, Boomer. Great laughs.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Thanks, Lenore!
The Byronic Man
April 11, 2012
I know this is going completely off your terrific post, but doesn’t it drive you crazy, people who “invent” something that’s nothing and make a bajillion dollars? Like the woman who was painting a wall, and a drop of paint dripped on some papers and hmmmmmmm, liquid paper, bajillion dollars.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Yes, I hate those people. Oprah used to have a show called something like “Totally Ordinary People With IQs Way less Than Yours Who Invented Something and Make Billions of Dollars and You Didn’t.” I hated that show.
Audubon Ron
April 11, 2012
On whom you ask, this interview really all Depends…
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Clever Boy. I’m thinking I can get a lot of mileage out of the Depends thing.
Audubon Ron
April 11, 2012
That Depends on how often you change the subject. 🙂
judithhb
April 11, 2012
Never heard of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup but what a lot of fun you are all having. 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Well, it was either that or unicorns.
Angie Z.
April 11, 2012
This was fantastic as I learned so much about America and all I love about freedom and the free market economy. The most amazing invention by far was the Sham Wow. H.B. could’ve retired after this and spared us Tom Cruise.
Loved this!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Would that he had…. Thanks, Angie.
k8edid
April 11, 2012
I love this, I think best of all the posts I’ve read today.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
Oh my, I’m speechless.
writingfeemail
April 11, 2012
If the inventor is 112, then this proves my theory that a peanut butter cup is actually a health food.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 12, 2012
I never thought of it that way.
Fraha
April 11, 2012
Loved the interview..so funny. You were the great inventer today not HB 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 12, 2012
Wow, thanks. I’m farklempt, really.
Fraha
April 12, 2012
Is it sad that I had to look up what farklempt meant? LOL.. I had no clue!
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 12, 2012
It was used in an old Saturday Night Live skit that I loved. So now you know.
Fraha
April 12, 2012
The definition that I saw referenced a Mike Myers skit on SNL. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle 😉
Laura
April 12, 2012
Great interview. Did I mention I invented interviews?
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 12, 2012
That was seriously so much better than the way I ended the post. Damn.
Kathryn McCullough
April 12, 2012
I’m a day late, but I love your interview. Needed a laugh this morning. My question–how did I miss the memo on Reese’s?
Hugs,
Kathy
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 12, 2012
Peg sent her plan out to a bunch of people (maybe those who write humor?). Next time, we have to send to 50 people, instead of 20.
nrhatch
April 12, 2012
Terrific, Renee! Dirty Old Men are such fodder for amusement . . . all talk, no action (even with the help of the Depends girls AND “instant party in the pants”).
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 12, 2012
They are great material, aren’t they? As long as you don’t have to interact with them!
Shannon
April 21, 2012
What a tremendously entertaining read! The whole thing. The stock market and Viagra connection was particularly funny. I don’t have much time for reading blogs (I spend a lot of time taking care of kids and growing food), but that was worth every word.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 21, 2012
Thanks, Shannon. These thoughts as always swirling around in my head, anyway. Blogging gives me a place to put them.
Shannon
April 21, 2012
I would so rather blog about Viagra and the stock market. I’m having mental difficulty working my current chigger experience (not pleasant) with a fruitful day of wild berry-picking (very pleasant). The challenges of an earthy, humdrum blog!