Boomer World News

Boomers who need something to be alarmed about other than the 101 year old Chinese woman who is growing horns on her forehead can choose from the following: 

New research finds significant facial acne can persist well into adulthood, according to www.webmd.com.  When informed of this, a group of unnamed Boomers said, “This isn’t exactly what we had in mind when we said it would be swell to look like we did when we were in high school.” 

Experts are predicting a worldwide chocolate shortage and higher prices over the next few years, due to both a drought in West Africa and political unrest in the Ivory Coast. Boomer women are already starting to stockpile Hershey bars, Kit Kat, and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  In a related development, a short grandmother was seen leaving a Lindt Chocolate Store in a Northern Virginia shopping mall with a suitcase filled with the store’s entire supply of Lindor Truffles (the milk chocolate ones). 

The Journal of Sexual Medicine (Add this to your reading list) reports that 3-22% of users of Propecia, the male hair regrowth product, will experience some form of impotence, low libido, erectile dysfunction, and development of large mammary glands as a result.  For 5-9% of such unfortunate users, even stopping the medication doesn’t reverse the side affects.  According to one unnamed source, “You might now see a lot of older men trying out to be Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s partner on Dancing With the Stars.”   

Recent findings say that 31% of men think people have only one true love. 26% of women agree. When asked about this discrepancy,  a group of Boomer women were laughing too hard to give their opinion. 

And, in Breaking News: The CDC is advising everyone over age 50 to heat cold cuts to reduce the risk of Listeria. Listeria can cause fever, stiff neck, confusion, and can result in hospitalization.  Worse, it can be deadly. It is less common than salmonella and E-coli, but still a major concern with the advent of summer picnics and barbecues. The Hormel Company, in an attempt to cash in, has developed a new line of cold cuts for Boomers called  “Hot Boomer Salami.”