This past Sunday, Life in the Boomer Lane’s friend Roni and LBL were driving to Baltimore for the annual ACC Craft Show (“Our motto: We have amazing crafts. You can either buy one of them or make your mortgage payment this month.”) Roni was regaling LBL with the latest romp (in the salon, not the bedroom) she had with her hairdresser. Two hundred dollars later, she came to the end of her story. Roni added, “Then I had to have a manicure. How much does a woman cost?” LBL immediately started rooting around in her purse. “I need a pen!” She shrieked. She found only used tissues and a Metro fare card that still had 15 cents on it. “That’s a blog post!” Roni grabbed a pen from the driver’s door and handed it to LBL, all the while staying completely focused on trying to getting them lost.
Roni’s comment started LBL thinking. She realized that if you posed the question “How much does a woman cost?” at random, you would get an unlimited number of answers, depending on where you were and if you included Charlie Sheen in the survey. LBL started to mentally review all the things that she does and purchases as required normal maintenance vs the same things that Now Husband does and purchases. Here’s what she came up with:
LBL: hair cut and color every six weeks: $200 plus tip
Special discount haircut $25
Cute hat purchased to cover the bad haircut $39
Emergency haircut to repair the bad haircut $55
NH: hands LBL a scissors every few weeks and instructs her to “Trim, please.”
LBL: Manicure every few weeks $12 plus tip/occasional pedicures $20 plus tip
Mani/Pedi for daughter every time she visits $60 plus tip
NH: cuts fingernails and toenails in private. LBL thinks.
LBL: eyebrow waxing every couple months $20 plus tip
NH: cheap tube of mustache wax that lasts forever and doesn’t work anyway
LBL: body lotion: $26 a bottle (caused by addiction to The Thymes and Moulton Brown), one bottle per month
NH: Eau de Pinot Noir
LBL: facial moisturizer with sunscreen/under eye moisturizer $50 per year
NH: goes outside on the first sunny day in spring, gets a tan, stays that way until the end of October
LBL: special “keep the color in” shampoo and conditioners $300 per year
NH: whatever is around, including those little shampoo bottles from Motel 6
LBL: hair gel and hair product “enhancer” $18 every few months
NH: maintains the largest selection of hair gel products on the east coast but none cost over 99 cents.
LBL: make up purchases amounting to approximately $100-$200 per year
Spontaneous cheap lipstick purchases of ugly colors while waiting for prescriptions to be filled $100 per year
NH: She doesn’t think so.
LBL: dainty unmentionables amount to about $500 per year
NH: uniquely patterned and colored Euro-briefs from the dollar store
LBL: annual pelvic exam, mammogram, bone density scan, calcium pills
NH: all medical concerns handled by Google and Pinot Noir.
duke1959
March 1, 2011
NHD seems like my kind of guy!
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
LOL!
Fragrant Liar
March 1, 2011
NHD cannot be in charge of the financial aspects of the care and feeding of a woman. He is clearly not qualified.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
No man is.
Gayane
March 1, 2011
Great post Renee! My costs go up if I happen on a garage sale and find that irreplaceable doo-hickey that I can’t live without…..an item that a man would probably not even notice.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
Yes, it’s amazing how much of life they miss. 😉
sunshineinlondon
March 1, 2011
What a hoot, Renee! I love the differences between men and women!
Sunshine xx
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
Amen.
murr brewster
March 1, 2011
I haven’t worn makeup for forty years. I get my hair cut twice a year. Not only do I look like crap, but now I find out that I’m a really cheap woman.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
LOL. Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane! For years, I did nothing to my hair and I just cut it myself. If looked fine. Now I spend a fortune. What’s wrong with this picture?
writerwoman61
March 1, 2011
This is one of the funniest comments I’ve read in a long time, murr…heading over to check out your blog!
Wendy
Kim
March 1, 2011
It’s so expensive to be a woman 😦
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane! Yes, that’s the conclusion my friend and I came to.
oluwashola
March 15, 2011
I totally agreed with you.
Kathryn McCullough
March 1, 2011
Love this post, Renee!
Imagine what it would cost if both of you were women! Yikes! Sara and I spend big bucks.
Hugs from Haiti,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
Oh, goodness, I never thought of that. NHD would have to stop buying undies at the Dollar Tree, that’s for sure.
36x37
March 1, 2011
Yes, but…but…we smell a lot better than men do.
Fun post today, Renee. You make me laugh out loud.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
That we do, and that’s worth a lot. I love when NHD will ask me, “Should I take a shower today?”
writerwoman61
March 1, 2011
Thanks for this post, Renée…my hair is my biggest expense: $125 every 6-8 weeks (includes eyebrow waxing). All my makeup is Cover Girl or Maybelline…no fancy stuff! Shampoo is whatever’s on sale…
Maybe Dan would let me borrow some of that mustache wax?
Wendy
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
I think for most women, hair is the biggest expense. So not fair. My friend kept asking “Who made the rules about women having to have longer hair? Why can’t we all just have the same hair?” So funny. Yes, Dan would happily share the mustache wax with you. I, personally, don’t use wax on my mustache.
Swanlady
March 1, 2011
What a wonderful informative fun post!
Big smile at this one 🙂
“all medical concerns handled by Google and Pinot Noir.”
I did think of all the man “toys” purchased at the Home Depot, Wmart, and Lowes – It must come close, no?
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
My guess is it does. And NHD is always getting packages in the mail. Things like small electronics and strange little tools.
Tori Nelson
March 1, 2011
Hahaha! I let BabyDaddy read this, and his response was “NHD is lucky. She’s pretty cheap.” (Please know that “cheap” from his mouth is meant as “charming and awesome”.) Before Baby, my cost was outrageous (from tanning sessions to unreasonably large wardrobe). I’m happy to report that today I’m nearly free. A pair of socks and some toothpaste and I can live for months 🙂
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
I think I am cheap (any definition you choose, but BD’s rocks). And, speaking of toothpaste, I can use toothpaste for months after NHD thinks the tube is finished and should be thrown away. So our medicine cabinet always has two tubes: one bright and plump and one shriveled and twisted. I’m going to write a post about this. I do that with everything. Is that some kind of subset of hoarding?
TexasTrailerParkTrash
March 1, 2011
Great post! Speaking of women’s expenses, it’s really galled me that I have to spend so much for Premarin every month because there is no generic substitute.
The excuse is that they can’t come up with a synthetic drug that works the same. Makes me want to keep my own stable of pregnant mares. Might be cheaper in the long run.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
I know! I took myself off both Actonal and hormones. I check in the mirror everyday now to see if I am three feet tall and have grown a beard.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
March 1, 2011
I used to have a chin hair I nicknamed “Little Vinny” but I plucked the foo out of it and now it’s finally gone. Only 31,000 more to go…
planejaner
March 1, 2011
snorfling. SO true!
so so true.
I remember walking out of the PX once with my mother in law and my father in law–my MIL had just spent over $200 on about 3oz of face cream…
my FIL (and, they are not married–weren’t at this time) walked out with about a 200 oz jug of lotion for about $3.
He commented on the absurdity of this…then said, “Wow- She costs a lot of money in upkeep. Glad I’m not footing the bill anymore.”
har.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
Hilarious. That story says it all.
planejaner
March 1, 2011
but, I should say–my husband costs a lot–his hobbies are NOT cheap.
NOT cheap.
Not. at. all.
blessings
jane
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
So true. I spend a ton more than NHD on the normal stuff of life (like cute shoes). BUT NHD has a sailboat. That makes up for everything I spend.
Elly Lou
March 1, 2011
“Eau de Pinot Noir?” Can I just sniff him for a while? I’m going into withdrawal.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 1, 2011
Most assuredly, it would be his pleasure. But only because I’m such a fan of yours. See the perks you get?
Allison
March 2, 2011
We are expensive (some of us more so than others judging by the comments). And worth every penny.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 2, 2011
Ah, but the categories are endless. Some spend here, some spend there, and some buy things on QVC. We are worth it all.
subWOW
March 2, 2011
LOL. Don’t let the man folk see this math.
My husband, and I suspect many husbands, complain about the delta between say the costs of our haircuts. He would exclaim: But mine costs only $15! I would say, “Do you want me to ‘look like a man’ (a la SNL skit voice)?”
He’d pipe down.
He still does not know how much my jeans cost. Let’s just keep that amongst us, k?
lifeintheboomerlane
March 2, 2011
I had a friend who used to keep all her purchases in the trunk of her car and bring them out over time. When her husband asked if the item was new, she’d say “Oh, I’ve had this.” This is the beauty of second marriages. NHD spends his money, I spend mine. No one cares. Except my kids who foolishly promised me years ago that they’d pay for the nursing home.
Emily Jane
March 2, 2011
Very interesting (and somewhat depressing!!) post – I never really think about how much it costs to “be a woman”, but I have a sneaky feeling it’s an awful lot 😦
lifeintheboomerlane
March 2, 2011
I didn’t even include that it costs more to have a “blouse” dry cleaned than a shirt, because women’s blouses don’t “fit the standard machines.” And let’s really get out on a tangent here. Research hot-off-the-press just confirmed that women are as educated (or more) than men and are still earning less.
yael
March 2, 2011
I can’t wait for my $60 mani/pedi! You have to buy me one here. And then I will uphold my nursing home bargain.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 2, 2011
That was actually considering TWO visits, but I’ll spring for the $60 one if we can go to the salon where Kate goes and you can guarantee she will be there.
Women's Intellect
March 2, 2011
Nice Post !
http://womensintellect.wordpress.com/2011/03/01/over-the-years/
lifeintheboomerlane
March 3, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the Boomer Lane!
carldagostino
March 3, 2011
This is why I have been a bachelor since 1983. All this $$$ for a kiss on Tuesday and one one Friday ? And what if we did have a woman as president? Talk about runaway deficits. Then the infernal woman complains about not having a car and relying on the bus. Well what in the Sam Hill do you expect with all the frivolous evaporation of hard earned $$$ ?
lifeintheboomerlane
March 3, 2011
Just imagine: OMB would work really hard to help create the budget, and Congress would order a lot of pizzas and stay up late to approve it. And then, after all that, the Presidentina would be doing something like getting her hair done and would forget to balance the checkbook and we’d all have to pay service charges which would really suck.
Todd Pack
March 3, 2011
I think the real lesson here is that guys are pretty self sufficient and low maintenance and that folks shouldn’t complain when we want a new gadget or power tool because, no matter how expensive those things might be, we’re still a good bargain, but, of course, I’m biased.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 3, 2011
You’re right. We all spend about the same amount of money, but your stuff can fix things. It’s a win-win for us.
reelingintheyears.wordpress.com
March 7, 2011
This is hilarious! I thought I had the most expensive hair in the free world! My daughter and I talked for hours this past weekend about her upcoming ‘partial highlight’ at a–gasp–new salon. You’d have thought she was having surgery, we were so nervous. I’ve written about hair and I keep a list of all of my ‘products’ but this takes the cake! Love it.
lifeintheboomerlane
March 7, 2011
Thanks for visiting Life in the boomer Lane and commenting! Hair: We could have achieved permanent world peace by now, as well as figuring out a way to eat whatever we wanted and still lose weight, if we didn’t spend so much time and energy and money on our hair. Sigh.
Latherrinserepeat
March 14, 2011
I sell the the products to salons that you list…and you are absolutely right.
Cheers From
Lather Rinse Repeat
lifeintheboomerlane
March 14, 2011
Ah, then it’s you who are the culprit! Why does everything cost so much, and I stll have Bad Hair Days (weeks, months…)?
Lather Rinse Repeat
March 14, 2011
The ingrediants are of a higher quality and they keep your color from washing out. I’m sure your salon has already mentioned this to you. As far as bad hair days they seem to happen to everyone, try using a satin pillowcase instead of cotton. The hair and cotton are both natural fibers and they tend to create tangles as well as pillowhead, where as satin does not do this.
Just a thought…
lifeintheboomerlane
March 15, 2011
I’ve heard that, about the satin pillowcase. I’ll try it!