Jobs I Have Known

Posted on December 10, 2010

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My December 7 post (“Working Hard at Not Making Money”) reminded me of all the jobs I’ve had over the years: 

Summer camp counselor assistant-My first job and the only one I was ever fired from.  This wasn’t a good start to my future employment.  For a large sum of unmarked bills sent to me in a brown paper bag, I will divulge what my crime was. 

Summer camp assistant assistant (no typo)-Scored after I was fired from the first job.  Luckily they didn’t check my references. 

Summer day camp assistant coordinator-My main job was to organize and distribute food to the campers, thereby leaving me no time to write graffiti all over the walls, so I kept my job. 

Lingerie salesperson in a discount department store-Job procured after I falsified my birth certificate to make it look like I was 18 and eligible to work.

 Assistant librarian-This was in the romantic days of card catalogs 

Hosiery salesperson in the basement of a department store-This was in pre-pantyhose days.  I spent most of the day refolding stockings in boxes. 

After-Christmas-Sale Christmas card salesperson in a major department store-After this experience, I developed skills that would enable me to effectively quell a prison riot. 

Art class model-I’ll let you think I languished nude in front of a room filled with virile young male students.  It was actually an adult ed class and I was a portrait model. 

Assistant librarian on campus 

Page Girl at the Federal Reserve Bank-This job was like something out of a 1930s musical, without the music or dancing or my being discovered by a Hollywood producer. 

Waitress-When I left, the owner turned to her husband and said, “That was the worst waitress I’ve ever seen.” 

Assistant bookkeeper for a small, family-run mayonnaise company-I learned the term “bill of lading” and heard the story about the owner of the company having invented “Cream Whip,” then having had his invention stolen by the makers of “Dream Whip.”  Hiss boo. 

Assistant researcher Head Start-Thanks to my classroom observations and reports of the first Head Start programs, changes were implemented.  Or else I just spent my time trying to figure out how to operate the tape recorder.

Tupperware dealer-I won’t even make a joke about this.  Oh wait.  Yes I will.  My favorite game to play with the women was the paper bag game, in which people had to take their clothes off.  Hey, this was Indiana in 1970.  There wasn’t much else going on. 

Others: Special Ed teacher, artist, Realtor, operator of a speed dating company, file clerk, author, speaker, workshop leader, Indian chief, pole dancer.  OK, the last two aren’t true.

I’d love to hear what others of you have done.

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