Sidney, Say it Ain’t So

Posted on February 20, 2023


Even preschoolers know that information disseminated among humans can become so corrupted so as to emerge as another entity entirely. Preschoolers call this phenomenon “Whisper Down the Lane.” Adults engage in that same phenomenon. To them, it’s called conservative talk media. Depending on which side of the fence one’s posterior currently rests, one either sees conservative talk media as “that shit talk that’s ruining the country” or as “the absolute God-given truth oh yes as long as they say what I want them to say.”

Of late, Life in the Boomer Lane’s attention has been on renovating her upstairs bathroom, but she doesn’t believe that her newfound knowledge about recessed medicine cabinets and hinged bathtub shower doors would be of interest to many readers. Instead, she will discuss the news about the Dominion Voting Systems voting court case against Fox News, starring, among a general cast of supporting actors, a relative newcomer: Sidney Powell. Ms Powell is fascinating for any number of reasons, not the least of which is her background and her complete inability to have any sane opinion about anything at all.

Ms Powell, a True Blue seemingly normal American humanoid, was born in 1955 in North Carolina. She graduated from college and law school early, and began her legal career as the youngest United States Attorney in the country. She was part of the Decoding Annie Parker project, trying to help guide the film to a commercial release. It raised millions of dollars for cancer charities in a series of charitable screenings. So far, so good, right?

But, like fast food which looks really great until one sees the ingredients, we shall delve a bit deeper. While seeming to be developing into a normal humanoid with plans to become an attorney, something else was lurking under the surface. Ms Powell, herself, admits “I’ve had the strangest dreams since I was a little girl…I was internally decapitated, and yet, I live….The Wind tells me I’m a ghost, but I don’t believe it.”

Little Sidney began to get an inordinate number of messages from The Wind, so many in fact, that sane folks could have accused her of beginning to drift into enemy territory. For this reason, it was only a matter of time before she would enter the orbit of another person who got all of his knowledge from the wind, as well, although his instructional wind was what he expelled from his nether parts. Be that as it may, both winds collided, in order to form a more perfect union. As early as 5 minutes after the election, the Trump team was distancing itself from Powell. But one month after the presential election, Trump considered naming Powell the newly-designated special counsel to investigate his election loss and pressing for the seizure of voting machines he declared were manipulated to rig the outcome against him. He also considered naming her Attorney General, a Supreme Court Judge, and to be the Official Presidential Bedtime Storyteller.

Ms Powell was ready for battle, armed with no official administration standing, her briefcase stuffed with debunked conspiracy theories, messages from The Wind, messages from The Dead, messages that she whipped up in her food processor, and messages that she expelled into her toilet. She did the conservative news media circuit, managing to out-crazy the crazies. Among other gems, she likened President-elect Joe Biden’s victory over President Donald Trump to a mythological “Kraken,” an octopus of Norse mythology. It seemed that Sidney was on a roll, at least with conservative talk media.

But, as Fun Times on Planet Crazy can sometimes run smack into Reality Wall, Dominion Voting Systems didn’t take kindly to whatever wisdom Sidney was spewing. In March 2021, Dominion Voting Systems filed a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit again Fox News. Suddenly, all the conservative talk radio and Fox media folks who had her on their shows and spent all of the interview nodding vigorously with everything she said, were standing in line to say that they thought Powell was nuts and never believed her. But wait, there’s more! They also said they never believed that Trump won the election! They knew he lost! They knew he was lying! They knew that Giuliani was a madman! They knew that they were innocent of all charges that anyone anywhere would ever make about them, including excessive use of exclamation points!

Poor Sidney. What’s a Wise Air-adherent supposed to do? What she did was to admit in a filing in federal court that “no reasonable person would conclude that [her] statements were truly statements of fact.” In the face of legal action, Sidney Powell admitted that her effort to make millions lying to the American people had no facts to begin with.”

LBL is, once again, repulsed, horrified, hornswoggled, and discombobulated at human behavior. Money? What? Seriously? You mean Sidney wasn’t a True Believer? Say it ain’t so. LBL has been unable to reach Powell for comment. She can’t imagine her mental condition at this point, especially if even The Air deserted her in her time of need.

Posted in: politicians, politics