What it Takes to be Tough

The scene is the Oval Office. President Donald Trump is at his desk, Tweeting and finding new things to get angry about. An aide enters, bows and cautiously approaches the presidential desk.

Sir, we are getting a lot of bad press about your not wearing a mask.

I’ve told you a thousand times that masks are for sissies. I’m not a sissy. I’m the most manly man you or anyone else ever saw. Everyone says that. And I’m far too busy doing manly things than to worry about a stupid virus or whatever the fake new media calls it. I have lots of really important things to do. Are we ready to fly to the rally?

Not quite yet, Sir. First, you have to get your Coronavirus swab test to make sure you don’t have the virus.

Didn’t I just get that yesterday?

Yes Sir. You get it every day, as does Vice President Pence and your immediate staff.

Do manly men get those?

Yes Sir. Manly men do.

Let me run to the bathroom first, before the test. I have really strong prostates, the strongest you have ever seen. I probably have a lot of them, too, more than anyone has. They produce a lot of pee pee.

I’m sorry Sir. the bathroom is being sanitized and disinfected as we do each time you want to use it.

Do manly men have their bathrooms scrubbed and sanitized each time they use it?

I’m sure they do, Sir.

OK, OK, I’ll hold it. Let’s get this over with so I can get to the plane.

We are a bit delayed. The plane is still being sanitized and disinfected before you step onboard.

Do manly men sanitize and disinfect their planes each time they fly anywhere?

I’m sure they do, Sir.

Will we be late for the rally?

No, Sir, we will be fine. The advance security and medical teams are, as we speak, the the building inspecting for potential areas of contagion.

Won’t that take a long time to inspect an arena big enough for a million people?

We only inspect the area where you will be, Sir.

How about the million people who are there to see me?

Uh, Sir, I don’t think we actually know how many people will be there. It could be many, many millions, or, ah, maybe a few thousand. But we don’t worry about those folks, Sir. We give them freedom of choice to make their own decisions about keeping themselves safe. You know, just like we want to give them total freedom about keeping themselves healthy in general, without being forced to get things like health insurance, which is just the Dem’s way of controlling them.

I like that. And really, what do they have to worry about anyway? This virus thing is a hoax, as we all know. Look at me. I don’t wear a mask and I go wherever I want to go and I don’t care and nothing ever happens to me.

As you say, Sir.