Older single women, have long pondered the enigma of the elusive older single male. Ask any married woman if she knows any single, eligible older women and she will rattle off any number of names. Ask if she knows older single men and she will either have no idea or will suggest Ralph, her husband’s never-married second cousin whose hobby is creating sculptures of all the former Presidents, using Styrofoam peanuts and twist ties.
So where are the single men? Research into this enigma has resulted in several answers, depending on one’s perspective, life experiences, and the success or failure of one’s last date.
Some suggest that older single males find younger women to date, a myth popularized by the media and the Russian mail order bride industry. But the reality is that this accounts for only a very small percentage of the older single male population, and most of them are George Clooney.
Some women believe that older single men spend all of their non-working hours in front of their TVs, in an endless loop of football/baseball/soccer/basketball/fishing/ bowling/wrestling/car racing/boxing/Just Say Yes to the Dress (Note: The last item has always been this writer’s fantasy man and she still holds out hope that Now Husband will see the light). In other words, anything that keeps them rooted to the chair and the TV and whatever comes out of a dark brown bottle.
Women who frequent online dating sites have a different impression of where older men might be. They read men’s self-professed penchant for cycling/hiking/boating/climbing /kayaking /running/walking/swimming/golfing. These women believe that most older men are still out there, lost on slopes, in the air, on bodies of water. Some believe that the woods are so crowded with men taking long walks in them, that, like liquor stores on game day, these men have taken a number and are sitting quietly by the path, awaiting their turn.
In an attempt to ferret out older single men, some women have taken to hanging out at the offices of divorce attorneys and urologists. Others have taken part-time jobs delivering pizza or working for Verizon or Comcast. A small minority has gone to barbering school.
It’s a losing battle. Statistics prove it: At ages 50-54, there are equal numbers of single men and single women. At ages 60-64, there are close to 2.3 single women to every single man. By ages 70-74, the ratio is 4 to 1. The last actual sighting of a single man age 75 or above was made in July of 2008, and he was later proven to be an extraterrestrial. Thousands of older women expressed interest in dating him, but, after several unsuccessful dates on Match.com, he fled to his home planet.
This brings us back to the original question: Where are the older single men? This writer is stumped and invites all older single men to immediately make yourselves known by sending information about where you are. For a certain sum of money, she will match you with fabulous eligible women. For a larger sum she will keep your secret.
ammaponders
October 11, 2013
My husband walked in just as I opened your blog. All he saw was the title. He walked out of the room saying “uh huh, now I know” and laughing. I can’t convince him that after being married to the same man for almost 40 years, the LAST thing I want if something happens to him is another man. Sigh.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
Hilarious. Should I put in a good word for you?
ammaponders
October 11, 2013
Sure!
addercatter
October 11, 2013
I might be an eligible woman if you get any responses… 😛
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
I’ll let you know if I do. Seriously.
addercatter
October 11, 2013
🙂 I’m such a mess I doubt anyone would be interested though.
Kellysue
November 10, 2013
I am also an eligible woman if you get any responses! 🙂
1959duke
October 11, 2013
Reblogged this on Change is Never Ending.
Haley Hill
October 11, 2013
Great blog! In my experience (having founded – and since sold- the UK’s biggest matchmaking agency), there is a huge shortage of eligible men for women aged 35 (and above) to date. Notice I said ‘eligible’ instead of ‘single’. Many women will discount most of the single men they could potentially date. Instead holding out for their taller (over 6ft generally) more successful George Clooney-esque counterparts. This is where the problem lies. Such men, as the blog reminds us, would prefer to date younger women.
Until society starts to value women as they age, and until women stop hankering after the perfect man, I doubt the situation will change.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
Haley, these were great comments. I started and ran a speeddating company for almost four years, and I saw this all the time. Unrealistic expectations on both sides, but a lot of great matches when people put the expectations aside and really communicated.
Linda
June 9, 2014
The odds of a man in the US marrying a woman 5-9 yrs younger are only about 10% and 10+yrs younger are about 5%. It’s not as common as people think.
Life in the Boomer Lane
June 9, 2014
Good odds!
NN Bartley
October 11, 2013
Not sure about single or eligible but there’s a boat load of men in small Colorado towns and they are all out alone. The ratio of men to women at any restaurant I go to is usually 2 or 3 to one.
Last night I thought there was a Women’s Convention out of town that I wasn’t invited to…I took my daughters to a restaurant that had 70+ men all between 40 and 65+ and 4 adult women (including married me). But it turned out to be the crew of Fast and Furious 7 finishing their round of filming and all out celebrating. Apparently no women work on Fast and Furious movies.
So…maybe the theory they are all out hunting and hiking and kayaking and making movies is true. Try Colorado and California!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
Good advice. I’ll tell all my single friends about Colorado. Hey, maybe I can lead tour groups there. Never been. As for the Fast and Furious films, another suggestion for women.
This Sydney Life
October 13, 2013
I fancy a trip to Colorado (and I’m not single!)
Anonymous
October 11, 2013
I cannot pretend to know the answer but single men don’t live as long as married men. Males also don’t live as long as females. So older single men may be a myth. A lot of them are dead.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
While longevity is certainly on the side of women, it doesn’t account for the imbalance, especially at the younger and midline ages of middle age.
serenalommasson
October 11, 2013
Think about it logically: if they are a certain age and they are single, factoring in how many times they have been married and/or whether they’ve been married at all- is there a problem that means NO ONE WANTS TO MARRY THEM EVER?
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
I used to think that until Now Husband came along. He had been married decades ago for a hot minute. It almost didn’t count. And he’s a gem. I have several friends paired with men who had never been married. They are all great guys and the relationships are working. Go figure.
Mike
October 11, 2013
Wow.. I’m an older single man reading this blog? Ouch. Aren’t I supposed to be drinking something while watching UFC fighting or celebrity poker? Haley Hill is 100% correct. Older women, who have gone through the chubby, beer drinking, looking at other females pack of men, now want the sensitive, let’s talk until 4 AM, 6 foot, HUNKS. Good Luck. This chubby, jokester, who likes to party, play, romance.. will continue to do so. In my head. Cause all the women my age are looking for GC.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
So sad. Both sides have misconceptions and unrealistic expectations that preclude them from seeing real possibility. So Mike, scroll up. Let me introduce you to Addercatter. Mike, Addercatter. Addercatter, Mike. Now talk amongst yourselves and let me know how things work out.
divorce1943
October 11, 2013
As a woman who runs a single group for the 50+ crowd on a fairly regular basis, I can tell you that the ratio (if I am lucky) is about 1/3 men and the rest are women. I am always asked ‘where are the men?”. I have figured it out to the best of my ability – either they are just not interested, gay (which takes up a large part of the group) or hiding in the woods. Anyone want to join my group? I need some new faces – MEN are always welcome!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
Check out Mike, above. He was brave enough to comment on this post. I like him already.
lauramacky
October 11, 2013
Men usually prefer younger women unfortunately. They like trophy wives, arm candy, etc. So those who *are* available are usually not looking at us. Thank god I’m married because I can only imagine what it would be like trying to find a man these days at 54!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 11, 2013
I always tell women who say that, but that’s because I met Now Husband at age 56 (he was 54). And I have more than a few friends who met their SO’s post 50. I think we all share one trait: We are all independent, happy people. We weren’t looking for anyone to support us or define us. We loved our lives exactly the way they were and merely wanted to share the joy with someone else. And the men we connected with felt exactly the same.
lauramacky
October 11, 2013
That’s great to hear. Good that there is hope out there. Congratulations. 🙂
dgkaye
October 11, 2013
Great post for a blog/dating site! But good question, 🙂
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2013
Thanks, Debby. I ran a speed dating company for almost four years. I lave LOTS of material!
notquiteold
October 12, 2013
I got married at forty. At my wedding reception my mother-in-law came up to me and asked me if there were any wealthy single men there for her just-divorced niece. I said, “If there were any wealthy single men here, why would I have just married your son?” She laughed her head off.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2013
Good one!
chlost
October 12, 2013
My 48 year old, never married brother has been lamenting the absence of single women who are interested in dating. He is not interested in having children himself, but is open to a partner’s children. He is WAY over 6′ tall. Problem is, he lives in a backwater little town, doesn’t make much $$$ and does not have George’s physique. After many online dating sites, he has recently started dating a woman who seems to be a great possibility. I just hope he doesn’t blow it!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2013
Hurray for him. Hopefully, the great possibility will remain great.
Valentine Logar
October 12, 2013
Do what I did, stop looking at age as a factor. Besides marry younger keeps you younger. Happiness shouldn’t be thought of as a forever thing but rather as a right now thing. Don’t think about is this person my forever mate. Think about is this person worthy dating material, worthy what fun right now material. If the answer is yes, invest 100% just so long as you are getting a right now ROI out of the deal. I would far rather be happy for 5 years, which is more than many people ever get as a good friend of mine recently said to me, than to never have been happy at all.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 12, 2013
All great thoughts, Valentine. My belief was that even if I was meeting someone for coffee and realized right away that I wasn’t interested in a dating relationship, it was still up to me to make whatever time we had together be of value. Whether one hour or a lifetime or anything in between, we get to give the best of ourselves to another person.
lipstickandplaydates
October 12, 2013
If anyone knows the answer to this question, please contact me. I’ve been looking for years and still can’t figure it out.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 13, 2013
Write a post about it and invite men to respond. I’d be curious to see what happens.
lipstickandplaydates
October 14, 2013
Good idea! I’ll let you know when it posts.
theattitudequeen
October 13, 2013
As a ‘frequent traveller’ (do I get the points to spend on a holiday in Thailand or Vietnam? – Fusion Maia in Da Nang would be nice) on the alternate dating sites (yes, the ones where you go for something more that just a date), I find a much more interesting selection.
My research had revealed that men lie about their age too. Not too clever though as they leave clues such as the last 2 digits of the year of their birth or the year they graduated from Uni. What gives? Do they think women can’t count?
In addition, having come back after an absence of a couple of years, I have noticed a change in that many of the men over 45 are looking for more than just a quick roll in the hay, some of them are looking for a relationship. They are usually semi retired with plenty of time to lavish on you.
These ‘other’ sites have the advantage of people being less shy and the conversations I have had with these men has been very interesting – oh yeah – the CEOs etc still want to be controlled, spanked, dominated………….and they are looking for just the one person, not lots of different women.
So, ladies you’re looking in all the wrong places – – get out your whips and leather gear………….who knows where that may lead?
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 13, 2013
Listen, I’d like to spank and dominate a couple CEOs, myself. I have just the ones in mind.
Sienna (@datingseniormen)
October 14, 2013
So, yeah, older men do prefer younger women, but some of these guys are so old that younger women are US!!
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 17, 2013
Ooh, Sienna, that was seriously good.
Mike
October 14, 2013
Looks like I’m still the only male reading the posts. I think this has been one of your more popular subjects. I’m pushing 60 and I prefer women who are 55 – 68. AttitudeQueen is pretty spot on. Most of the guys I know, including myself, are not looking to see how many notches we can add to our bed belt. (That was our quest when we were 21 – 29) Yes, We love our sex, but with one woman for extended periods of time. How can you learn the ways to satisfy your partner, if you don’t spend time with her? Quiet time with each other is a turn on for guys too. Unless, like in many situations, the partner does not want to talk about what turns them on. The discussion tend to focuson your best friends husband, your latest diet, how so and so looks hideous in her new dress/outfit, boss is a jerk…
Humor usually has a grain of truth making it funny. The old joke “How do you make a guy happy? Show up at the door naked with a six pack of beer!, is not far off. Guys laugh about strutting around the room buck naked, showing off how manly we are to the women. Women, however, hide everything, change clothes in the dark. Guys understand Women LOVE to be romanced, yes? Flowers, Being Courteous, Broadway Show and Dinner…But Girls… you can romance a guy by taking it off and Dominating us once in a while. Older Women.. we’re out there. Just keep looking. Like Attitude Queen said, maybe you need to look in other areas. Good Advice.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 17, 2013
Good comments, Mike. I started this replay about six different ways, then decided to just leave it alone. So, single women, meet Mike.
theattitudequeen
October 17, 2013
I agree that a lot of women tend to hide everything, especially their bodies. What for? Have you seen the bodies on a lot of the men? They don’t care if they have extra kilos or pounds and they don’t care if you do.
Mike is right – talking about what you like and want to try is important. Forget about all the other boring crap. My God, Life is so short – enjoy it and you never know what you may discover. (my latest is japanese inspired rope bondage)
benzeknees
October 17, 2013
I think there are no older single men. I think there is one older single man out there, answering some poor women’s Match.com ads but never meeting them. Leading them on, so they feel wanted for even just a little while. I chuckled out loud at this & hubby wanted to know what was so funny.
Life in the Boomer Lane
October 17, 2013
I wrote the post because I hear older women talking about this a lot. And I do think there are fewer older single men who are available to older singe women (you may interpret that any way you like), BUT there still are a lot of great guys out there. I even know a few.
Renaissance
November 10, 2013
I find it unfair that older single women so often get blamed for only wanting a Georges Clooney. I don’t think all of us are so shallow that we have a strict list of physical characteristics. But we want to be attracted to our man of course. And some physical features indicate that a guy will complicate our life. If he is overweight/has bad teeth/a pot belly he is not taking good care of himself so he will be a burden in our life. If you are a woman who does an effort to keep up a healthy lifestyle, it would be unwise to get involved with such a man.
As far as I am concerned, I only meet men via online dating. I give every man whose age does not differ too much from mine and has a decent profile and picture (so not the ones who feel the need to show off their bare chest) a chance to meet me over a coffee. Unfortunately a lot of men are not free, or only want something very casual and physical, or don’t have a healthy lifestyle (see above). Other men my age only want significantly younger women (I could easily pretend I am 5 years younger but I don’t want to lie…).
And no, I don’t want a man who is a lot older than me. This is a very bad choice as at some point your energy level will be too different. A 50 year old woman and a 62 year old man can share a lot of activities but how will it be 20 years later?
Anonymous
November 26, 2013
women are ready to have a conversation on line but ask to meet them and they stop responding. 50 lbs is not a few extra. And the first time you arrange to meet does not have to involve a convertible, wine, a long romantic drive and a 100 dollar meal
Cracker
December 27, 2013
This single never married male geezer just stumbled across this blog and have a good laugh. You all must have heard this one:
Curious One, “How come you are never married?”
Single Male Geezer, “Been looking for the perfect woman all my life.”
Curious One, “Ever found one?”
Single Male Geezer, “Actually quite a few.”
Curious One, “What happened?”
Single Male Geezer, “They were all looking for the perfect man.”
Life in the Boomer Lane
December 27, 2013
Oh, that’s very very good.
Anonymous
January 26, 2014
I’m not looking for perfect. There isn’t such a thing unless we mean a perfect fit… And still there is no such thing. I am hoping, intending, and “trying” to meet a good man with whom to be our imperfect selves.
angelleck52
March 8, 2015
True finding older single men that is 50 and up is very hard to find.most I met only wanted friendship.