Boomer Sex Ain’t Boomin’

An enlightening and thoroughly depressing new survey of sex among Boomers was conducted recently.  Now Husband and Life in the Boomer Lane unshackled themselves from the headboard  in their bedroom long enough to read it.  LBL will summarize for those of you who were fans of Cliff Notes back in school.  The first sentence says it all: The U.S. generation that promoted free love in the 1960s has grown old and cranky about sex.  For those of you who need more bludgeoning, here goes:

“Only 7 percent of people between 45 and 65 describe themselves as extremely satisfied with their sex lives  And nearly a quarter of middle-aged Americans say they are dissatisfied. Even among seniors, fewer are dissatisfied.”  Please note that the phrase “sex lives” is a hyperlink.  It took LBL a long time to get up the courage to click it because she expected a black screen to appear with photos of women who reveal body parts usually only accessed by the TSA.  LBL’s second thought was thank goodness she will be 66 in three years and can start really whooping it up in bed again, and the folks at the Social Security Administration will kindly send her an amount of money each month that will exactly cover the cost of lingerie and toys.   LBL’s third thought was that the seven percent of people currently satisfied with their sex lives consists entirely of her friend Susan.

Another nugget: “Perhaps the middle-aged group has given up on experimenting. A surprising number of them feel they have learned just about all there is to know about sex — nearly three in five women and half of men.”  Perhaps the ones who know everything can teach all the others.  They could divide themselves up in any manner they choose.  This would provide fun for all and serve to better the stats, as well as introducing a certain number of people to sexual partners they might not have previously considered.

While the study says that men are more eager (mentally) to have sex than women, “the story is different when it comes to action, as men are the underperformers.”  LBL is not going to touch this sentence with a ten foot pole or even a seven inch pole-like product that is sold at stores that always have the word “pleasure” in their names.

Ruth Westheimer, who has been a sex authority since sex was originally invented by the same folks who invented the hourly-rate motel and wine-in-a-box, gives us hope.  “Older people can learn new tricks.”  Yes, Ruth, so can LBL’s dog.  But it takes a lot of time and patience and, after awhile, you can run out of treats and the dog can bite you and you will wish you had just stayed in front of the TV.