Thanks to Newsweek, I now know that laughing gas is being touted as an aid during labor (the kind that ends in childbirth, rather than the kind that ends in a paycheck).
This got me to thinking about my own labors, in 1975, 1976, and 1980. This was shortly after husbands began routinely appearing in labor rooms and well before they could assist in the delivery, while Skyping it at the same time.
#1
Delivery Date: 4 weeks early
Preparation: 1 childbirth class
Length of Labor: 45 hours
Severity of Labor: Comparable to a mid-size sedan driving over my lower back. Repeatedly.
Activity During Labor:
35 hours pacing, chain smoking, watching The Sonny and Cher Show
10 hours on my back, most of it wishing I had a cigarette
Position of Baby: Incorrect
Meds: Not enough
Memorable Moment: Asking the nurse in the labor room if I could have a cigarette
Prognosis for the Future: Labor continued until Baby was age 20
#2
Delivery Date: 6 weeks early (12 months and 3 days after the first delivery)
Preparation: Signed up for childbirth classes. Never made it.
Length of Labor: unknown
Severity of Labor: See above
Activity During Labor: Watching the Academy Awards
Position of Baby: Out With No Warning
Meds: None
Memorable Moment: Watching the doctor catch the Baby in a spontaneous mid-air delivery.
Prognosis fortheFuture: Baby became a lawyer and does things her way. With no warning.
#3
Delivery Date: 2.5 weeks early
Preparation: None Even Attempted
Length of Labor: Unknown
Severity of Labor: comparable to an annoying backache
Activity During Labor: Being at a listing appointment, aware of a nagging backache
Position oftheBaby: Normal
Meds: None
Memorable Moment: (during Leboyer zen-like birth: lights out, Baby cradled in warm water). Listening to the nurses say, “Gosh, we’ve never heard a baby scream when he was put into the water.” Baby stopped screaming immediately when they pulled him out.
Prognosis for the future: Three years after birth, Baby fell into a swimming pool in November, fully clothed including heavy winter jacket. Was rescued by older sibs’ soccer coach who jumped over a fence and dove into the water. As with his birth, Baby experienced great relief when extricated from water.
*****
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Life in the Boomer Lane 
She's a Maineiac
May 19, 2011
“Comparable to a mid-size sedan driving over my lower back. Repeatedly.”
This sums up my first labor. It was over 24 hours long and my husband spent it watching Fear Factor and eating a sandwich. I ended up pushing for over three hours, then getting an emergency c-section anyway after all that agony (baby was posterior) Still waiting on that paycheck.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
Mine was posterior as well. After 45 hrs of labor, Baby went into fetal distress. All hell broke loose, and they prepped for a C-section. The doctor decided on one last maneuver: He shoved both arms up me, up to the elbows, and manually rotated the baby. My eyeballs switched sockets and I delivered vaginally.
She's a Maineiac
May 19, 2011
I wish my doctor had tried the ol’ eyeball switcheroo move. We did try everything else under the sun. I was determined to get him out. I was on a big bouncy ball (screaming expletives at my husband), I was on all-fours (screaming expletives at the doctor) I had my focal point, a red flower and I focused like hell (and screamed at the flower for a bit)…the nurse even had me pull on a towel so we could play tug-of-war for a couple hours. That boy did not want to come out and really, who could blame him?
Walker
May 19, 2011
Paycheck! Kinda the reverse actually. I recall mine quite well..during first one, 8 cm. dilated before I got there, hubby is chatting w/ another in labor who he’d flirted with during Lamaze.. I feared I’d be solo in delivery room.
Second: nurse left during first bit of labor, muttering that she was glad her shift was over- hubby had a beer w/ lunch before driving me over and she assumed he was drunk! My Doc, named Fidel had to clean me up afterwards due to nurses’ strike.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
Hilarious. Then Husband left me in the Labor Room to go smoke. By then I had been in labor about 40 hours. That’s when I asked the curse if I could smoke. Given a choice between the husband and the cigarette, I opted for the cigarette.
Lisa Wields Words
May 19, 2011
Great post. If they start giving laughing gas does that mean the baby will come out giggling?
Mine. 1 week early.Labor about 16 hours (plus false labor for a week before). Drugs: Nubain (makes you feel drunk, but still feel pain). Pain: early on back labor hence the Nubain. Pushes: 2 Memorable Moment: A doctor I’d never met running in, catching her on the way out, meeting my crotch first, and then introducing himself. Prognosis: She still runs on her own time.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
Ooooh, I love it. With my daughter, I asked the doctor how much longer it would be and he said “Five minutes.” He then turned away and said to the nurse “pudental block” and my daughter came flying out. Literally. He turned back in time to catch her in mid-air. It was the Playoffs of Childbirth and the doctor won the Heisman.
Lunar Euphoria
May 19, 2011
LOL!!! That playoffs comment was just too much!
atticannie
May 19, 2011
Women hate me when I share I entered the hospital around 4:30 a.m. on THE day he was scheduled to arrive and he was here 3 hours later. First and only baby. It’s really weird because the due date was only an estimate because I was past the first trimester when I was told I no longer needed any fertility tests!
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
I totally understand why women hate you. But I am operating at a really evolved level, so I will say: Bravo to you. Then I will talk about you behind your back.
georgettesullins
May 19, 2011
Great piece! My memory…I do remember it was Memorial Day weekend and nobody was working. No epidural for me! One nurse kept saying “don’t push, don’t push”…to this day I think we were waiting on the doctor. Fast forward five years, Memorial Day weekend again. Enter me wagging my finger and firmly declaring as I entered the door “You give me my epidural right now!” I got the epidural…older, spunkier, and not in awe of any doctor.
Thank you for this post, what with Memorial Day coming up and all. Once again, you are speaking to me.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
You are welcome. And I also remember the nurses yelling “Don’t push! Don’t push!” as they were running down the corridor with me on the gurney toward the delivery room. And I remember thinking that the order not to push was comparable to someone telling me, while I was in the midst of the worst food poinsoning on record, “Don’t throw up! Don’t throw up!”
Kathryn McCullough
May 19, 2011
Fortunately, I’ve never delivered a child. However, I was a premature identical twin, in an incubator for a month. Doctors insisted neither of us would make it. However, being a determined, death-defying premie, I lived to inflict a double dose of bosiness on still-complaining younger siblings.
Controlling in Kentucky,
Kathy
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
Wow. So your twin didn’t make it? Kathy, your life is filled with stories yet to be told. It’s a darn good thing your writing skills are up to the task!
daeja's view
May 19, 2011
“Labor continued until Baby was age 20” – I can relate……
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
Ah, I am gratified that someone else understands.
Sigrid Rogowski
May 19, 2011
I am sure anybody who has given birth can write a book about it.As a young student nurse I experienced my first birth at age 17.I was in awe and I still think it is the greatest wonder when a baby is born.After graduation I worked as a pediatric nurse for many years at the Cornell Medical Center in New York.
I have never given birth,but I had plenty of labor pains with my 5 adopted kids.They are all married now and they blessed me with 12 grankids.I am a lucky lady.
writerwoman61
May 19, 2011
Loved this, Renée…my two older daughters were both huge and late…
After being in labour for fourteen hours of Oxytocin-induced labour with middle child, 10 lb., 8 1/2 oz. Anna (no epidural), she was crowning and the nurse said, “Just give us one more little push, Mrs. Matheson.”
My response (imagine the voice of Linda Blair from “The Exorcist” while her head’s spinning around): “GET IT OUT!!!!”
The half a dozen nursing students who were watching the whole process recoiled in horror (I was really embarrassed afterwards when one of them actually sent me a Thank You note!).
It’s a good thing babies can’t remember their births…
Wendy
Elly Lou
May 19, 2011
45 hours? I might not be allowed to read anything involving childbirth ever again. Or at least until I launch the parasite. Which? Coincides with the projected end of the world date. Go figure.
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
Don’t think I didn’t think about you when I was writing this. For your sake, I omitted the part about the spontaneous delivery in the aisle of the Wal-Mart (coincinding with their “Summer Blowout Sale”) and the other delivery at a state fair, where I had to lie down in the sheep pen while curious onlookers took photos, and then wrestle the baby away from a female sheep who thought it was hers.
TexasTrailerParkTrash
May 19, 2011
I was only 18 when I had my first baby. I’m about 5’3″ tall and my son weighed 8lbs. 13oz. The delivery room nurse quipped “A ten pound baby out of a six pound hole.” (And that was at a hospital run by Catholic nuns. I guess God does have a sense of humor.)
lifeintheboomerlane
May 19, 2011
I have to remember that line.
sunshineinlondon
May 19, 2011
Love this post, Renee – and I can hear you telling the stories!
Sunshine xx
Lunar Euphoria
May 19, 2011
No kids here by choice, though I do find the stories simultaneously horrifying, awe-inspiring, and fascinating.