Anyone who has ever tried to read Shakespeare in the original English, must be aware that the language (any language) is always changing. Life in the Boomer Lane’s mother-in-law left Turkey decades ago and took all of her language with her. While she was absent from Turkish soil, the Turkish language wasn’t. For that reason, she referred to airplanes as “flying metal birds in the sky,” while the Turks had moved on to “airplane.” She also had no Turkish words for “computer,” “cell phone” or “double bacon cheeseburger.”
LBL is, of course, aware that English words and phrases are disappearing with the same rapidity as the brain cells in her head, and new ones are being born that reflect the rich culture being created by reality TV and street gangs. In addition, many words and phrases have survived but now have a totally different meaning. LBL will review a few of her favorites:
Literally is supposed to mean “literally.” It now mean “figuratively.” Although this phenomenon started many decades ago, LBL believes that only recently has the word “figuratively” finally given up the fight and slunk back to wherever it originally came from. In fact, she believes the word “figuratively” no longer exists in the English language. People are now free to say “The Uber arrived literally as I pulled my finger from the keypad,” “I have just watched literally 100 videos of cat antics on Facebook this morning,” and “There are literally thousands of people who have declared for the Republican Presidential nomination.”
Unique used to mean “unique,” as in one-of-a-kind. Literally. Now it means “different.” And because it has been driven from its place at the top of the pedestal, we are forced to use qualifiers. We say, “That dress Kim wore with the entire butt area exposed was really unique” or “That dress Kim wore with the entire breast area exposed was very unique.”
Let’s say that one was at a vegan, gluten-free, carb-free, nut-free, soy-free, wheat-free, sugar and salt-free dinner party, and the food was so tasty, one asked for seconds. This would be a unique situation. One problem is that, in a situation like this that is actually unique, even a qualifier may not be strong enough. In that case, one would want to say “literally unique,” but now that would be interpreted as “sort of different,” and would lose all meaning.
One of LBL’s issues (among literally hundreds) is the phrase “No problem,” which used to mean going beyond what would normally be expected, or solving a problematic situation. But, instead, this phrase has now replaced “You are welcome,” which is merely the polite response to “Thank you” and involves nothing problematic.
LBL tells wait staff in restaurants and sales clerks in stores “Thank you,” because she is being polite and acknowledging their expected good service (refilling her water-glass/handing her bag of newly-purchased mini-pads). She is not asking the waiter to get down on his hands and knees to retrieve her cell phone under the table, nor the sales clerk to accept payment for the mini-pads with a bag of uncounted pennies. Neither is she requiring anyone to put themselves in harm’s way (unless her grandsons are at the table and the waiter has to wade through a lot of tossed food in order to find the cell phone). But instead of hearing “You are welcome” in reply, she hears “No problem.” She isn’t aware that serving her could possibly be a problem (because isn’t that their role in this relationship?), and she frets about this for several minutes after.
What does all this mean for you, the reader, who has set aside any number of productive, intelligent choices for how you could have spent the last five minutes of your life, instead of having read this post? Not much. You are now finished and can go back to monitoring your social media updates, tracking your bids on eBay, and getting all the details of the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Garner split. Of course, if you are employed, you won’t have time to do any of this, because your time will be spent sending emails to friends about your rotten, unappreciative boss, who is literally unique in his (or her) stupidity. At any rate, there’s no need to thank LBL for this post. It was no problem.
Taswegian1957
July 2, 2015
The Australian version of “No problem” would probably be “No worries.” which can stand for “You are welcome” but also when accepting an apology. My sister told me that once on a trip abroad a man bumped against her and when he apologised she said “No worries.” which delighted him because he’d heard that Australians used that expression but had never heard it himself.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
I will now have that stuck in my head and wait for an Australian to come along and say that.
Vonnie
July 2, 2015
LBL, you uniquely and literally made me chuckle. And I’m here reading this at work, on break literally!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
No problem.
OneHotMess
July 2, 2015
Thank you. I believe that you have very nicely covered many of my current language pet peeves. Since we share these pet peeves, I am not longer unique. 😉
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
But you are probably taller than me, so we are unique in different ways.
Scott
July 2, 2015
Cute. I especially liked the conclusion. Had you just a paragraph more to play with, I imagine you’d have riffed on the “singular their” phenomenon that confuses me more often than does the way a person can be “more unique” than another (or “more average” than most?). When a unique being puts “their” singular mind to a vexing problem “they” might solve the conundrum, but I often get lost rereading texts in search of plural antecedents that quite literally cannot be found.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
I know what you mean. I am an Eastern European Jew, and I have often gotten lost, searching for my own plural antecedents. But regarding “their,” it was easier when people used the universal “his,” but now that’s not PC. We are all victims of our language (and our parents and a lot of other stuff).
btg5885
July 2, 2015
Renee, per your admonishments, you are not unique, yet you are among a group I would love to hang around with, grab a cup of java and laugh until we cry. We will not order gluten free anything, choosing to have our muffins or cake inclusive of sinful calories. And, we will make our best effort to avoid popular words and use words as intended. If we don’t, then others can pelt us with half-eaten muffins. Literally or not. BTG
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
Now I’m hungry. But, yes, that would be a hoot.
Jaime Ravenet
July 2, 2015
Disclaimer: I REALLY LIKE SEMANTICS.
I get the gist of this post, but I take issue with the substance of it.
First, “literally” doesn’t suddenly *mean* figuratively. If it did, then we should be able to swap the two out as synonyms, which we can’t. Rather, there is a figurative use of “literal[ly]”. There is an important difference between the two.Your example “the uber arrived literally as I pulled my finger from the keypad,” points out the difference pretty well. Nobody would say “the uber arrived figuratively as I…,” even if the speaker literally intended to convey the figurative meaning. And even if someone did say that, the “figuratively” version means something different (it’s on the nose, or possibly redundant, or maybe it violates some conversational maxim) than the “literally” version, which seems to convey a tension that plays on the fact that this is clearly not the actual case. This is much like how a metaphor differs from a simile.
Second, there’s no way to justifiably claim that a given thing *isn’t* unique. Uniqueness is a judgement, and there are tons of ways speakers can specify the criteria for making that judgement. The computer I am typing on right now, for example, is unique insofar as it is the only computer I am typing on right now. There is no other computer I am typing on, therefor despite being a toke of the type “Dell Inspiron,” this can be meaningfully called a unique computer.
Third, “no problem” (or any of its variations, like “no worries” or “no big [deal]”) isn’t merely a replacement for “you’re welcome,” (which you correctly point out is merely a polite response). Saying “no problem” in response to “thank you” is intended to tell the thanker that the thanks they are giving, while appreciated, is overly kind, since the thing that brought it about caused the thankee no problem(s). Read it as “no thanks is required.” Also, for me (at least), saying “you’re welcome” misses the kindness inherent in saying “thank you,” which all too often feels presumptuous and self-aggrandizing.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
Ah, Jaime, I do thank you for these comments. I’ll admit to playing fast and loose, sometimes, in order to get a laugh out of people. You make some outstanding points, but I’ll stand firm on a couple items.
My issue with unique isn’t the use of the word itself (yes, we are all snowflakes, unique and all that). It’s putting qualifiers on the word, which then negates the word. I understand that your computer is unique, but by describing it as “very unique,” you have just obliterated the meaning of unique. That’s what makes me crazy.
I think the meaning of “No problem” is subjective. For me, it is a poor substitute for “You’re welcome,” since (again, for me) it implies that my request (food service, etc) might have been interpreted as a problem. “You’re welcome (for me) means that the service provider (or whoever) is saying that he is there to serve me in the future. I like that interpretation.
Again, thanks for your comments!
kh1789
July 2, 2015
I wrote a very similar post about this last week in which I rant about the common misuse of “literally” (https://ensimismadablog.wordpress.com/2015/06/24/please-stop-saying-literally/) It has nearly the same effect as nails on a chalkboard, and I have to consciously restrain myself from correcting every misuse of it. I will admit, however, that I am a culprit of the “no problem” problem…
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
Read and left a comment, then moved on to Poisonwood.
ermigal
July 3, 2015
Great (for lack of a better word) post, LBL! I, too, fret over errors in grammar, word choice and spelling as my remaining few years speed by…the brochure on financial planning I was given lacked the possessive apostrophe in “clients needs”…should I point it out to them? Does it matter? Ben and Jen broke up?? And I also hate “no problem.” Thanks for the unique entertainment. 😉
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
I go wild when I see errors in print. Years ago, my daughter and I went to lunch and the restaurant had a brass plaque next to the door that said “When your hungry, this is the place to be.” I pointed out the error to the waiter, who listened and just stared at me. I asked to speak to the manager, who listened and just stared at me. My daughter told me she would never go out with me in public again. Yes, they have been married for 10 years. In CA, that’s considered a long-term marriage.
Sienna (@datingseniormen)
July 6, 2015
When I swipe my credit card at the local organic market I get the message, “Waiting On Cashier”. I complained to the cashier who assured me in soothing tones that her readout says, “Waiting For Customer”.
ammaponders
July 3, 2015
I’m so with you. Another problem is confusing wary and weary. They’re not the same thing!
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 3, 2015
I’m so sorry you told me that. I hadn’t been aware. Now I will fret about that, as well.
ammaponders
July 4, 2015
Sorry! (Not really)
Elyse
July 4, 2015
I have literally given up trying to follow the unique changes our language is undergoing. I just figure it is no problem if I haven’t got a clue what anybody actually means. That’s how I deal with computer issues, too.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 4, 2015
Uniquely (and amusingly) said, Elyse.
Elyse
July 4, 2015
No problem.
Gail Kaufman
July 5, 2015
When someone thanks me for my work, I respond with “no problem” because I don’t want to reveal how stressed out I get on the job. It backfires though. They take it literally and then give me more work because they think it’s no problem.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2015
Aha, you have added yet one more reason to be very judicial in the use of that phrase.
Shelley
July 5, 2015
How about when you are half finished with your dinner, and the waiter wants to whisk away the plate? “Are you still WORKING on it”, waiter inquires? When did eating literally become a job? Probably when food became gluten free and all that other really unique stuff you mentioned.
Love your blog. Every. single. post. (Words aren’t the only thing that changes. Punctuation is joining in the fun.)
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2015
Ah, Shelley, thanks. And, yes, I cringe when waiters ask that question. I also cringe when waiters remove someone’s plate from the table, while the other person is still eating.
Sienna (@datingseniormen)
July 6, 2015
“No problem” has the potential to join the perfectly respectable “il n’y a pas de quoi” or “de nada” except that it is so often delivered by a dour young person who looks every bit as though it is indeed a problem (having to perform a service for you).
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2015
I hadn’t thought about that until I read your comment. Astute, Sienna.
Beemie
July 8, 2015
Loved your post…please help end “my bad” …I am quite done with it. I definitely believe I did not waste 5 minutes of my time…it fuguratively felt like a minute.
Life in the Boomer Lane
July 10, 2015
Beemie, I adore your name and seriously dislike “my bad.” Thankfully, I don’t know anyone who says that. Ugh.