Browsing All posts tagged under »sex«

The Evolution of Wooing 1993-2013

September 20, 2013

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The September issue of Elle Magazine (“Our Biggest Fashion Issue Ever! 650+ pages of approximately 1200 models who, all together, weigh less than this magazine!”) has an article titled “The Evolution of Wooing,” in which it details how the art of wooing has changed from 1993-1913.   1993: The world is a cold, heartless place, […]

School for Scandal

July 29, 2013

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Instructor: I’d like everybody’s attention, please. Welcome to “How to Respect Women,” a workshop tailored specifically for politicians. We will undo a lifetime of womanizing in two weeks. Are we ready? Eliot Spitzer: You have nice boobs, Teacher. Instructor: Mr Spitzer, we will refrain from references to female anatomy in this class. Is that understood? […]

A Short Conversation Between the Weiners

July 24, 2013

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Darling, I have a text here from a “Carlos Danger.” Do we know anyone named Carlos Danger? Ah, Sweets, that is actually me. I meant to send that text to my new assistant, the twenty-year-old who is completing her doctorate in “The Value of Long Hours of Public Service.” But Love, why are you sending […]

Finding the Fountain of Youth Between Your Sheets

July 6, 2013

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Having sex several times a week can take five to ten years off your face.  A study by British psychologist, Dr. David Weeks of the British Psychological Society, showed that sexual pleasure is a “crucial factor” in preserving youth, the New York Daily News reported. Before we continue any further with this intellectual discourse, let […]

Sex at 50+ : What’s Normal?

March 9, 2013

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In its March 2013 issue, AARP Magazine presents “Sex at 50+: What’s Normal?” in which they answer our burning curiosity about other people’s sex lives. A heads up (in a manner of speaking): If you routinely incorporate the Area 51 Love Doll, the Strict Leather Dildo Face Harness, or the Drilldo into your sexual repertoire, […]

Sex and the Sixty-Year-Old: A Few Quickies for Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2013

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  For those of you who were starting think that my friend Susan had extricated herself from the maws of online dating, rest assured that she has only taken a small step back and has managed to keep her fingers mostly intact. She has had several email and phone conversations, only one of which has […]

How to Score A Husband by Valentine’s Day 2014

February 5, 2013

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For those young single women out there who are contemplating celebrating yet another Valentine’s Day changing the kitty litter and searching for ex-boyfriends on Facebook, a new book by Suzanne Venker assures you that you will have a devoted husband at your side by the time the next chocolate-bloated Valentine’s Day rolls around. Venker says all you […]

Sex and the Sixty-Year-Old: Evolution Has Come to This

January 26, 2013

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It’s believed that humans originated about 200,000 years ago in the Middle Paleolithic period.  According to Wikipedia, they began to experience “full behavioral modernity” about 50,000 years ago. Susan, in joining a new dating site, has apparently discovered a pool of Homo Sapiens Sapiens who managed to avoid the shift to full behavioral modernity.  Fortunately, I’m […]

Sex and the Sixty (Year Old): eSmarmony

January 15, 2013

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In an effort to stay off the online dating sites, my friend Susan decided to sell her condo, move into an apartment, furnish the entire apartment, and start hosting dinner parties.  After awhile, though, she ran out of spaces to decorate and got sick of eating leftover salmon.  She was forced to go revisit the […]

Would You Give Up Your Sex Life for A Good Parking Spot?

September 22, 2012

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My friend Susan insists that when she isn’t having sex and doesn’t have the prospect of sex looming on the horizon, she has a Parking Fairy.  When she is having sex or has the prospect of having sex, her Parking Fairy disappears.  I can attest to this phenomenon.  Or rather, I do have to take […]

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