Browsing All posts tagged under »news«

How to Be A Good Jihadi Wife

November 1, 2014

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  It’s tough enough to be a good wife when one’s spouse has a 9-5 job.  It’s a totally different kettle of fish to be a jihadi wife.  Even a simple good-bye kiss at the door becomes quite complicated when one is wearing a burka and one’s spouse’s head is wrapped entirely in black cloth. […]

Dating Red Flags and How to Avoid Having Them Slap You in the Face

October 25, 2014

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  A woman who thought she had found  her soul mate on an online dating site, ultimately found herself trapped in the chimney of said man. Last week, Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, 30, was rescued by a team of firefighters after attempting to enter the man’s home in Los Angeles. Homeowner Lawrence Fernandez said the pair had been on […]

An Interview With 114-Year-Old Anna Stoehr

October 17, 2014

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  Life in the Boomer Lane’s father was often fond of saying “The first 100 years are the hardest.”  Anna Stoehr of Minnesota proves him wrong.  Stoehr, age 114, was forced to lie about her age in order to join Facebook.  She was born in 1900, but Facebook doesn’t let new users choose a birth […]

Unicorns, Starvation, and Sparkly Fairy Dust

December 3, 2012

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  In an announcement Friday, the North Korean state news agency reported that archaeologists recently reconfirmed the discovery of the lair of a unicorn once ridden by an ancient Korean king.  According to the Korean Central News Agency, the discovery was made about 219 yards from the Yongmyong Temple in Pyongyang. A rock that sits in […]

Boomer Breasts and the State of the Planet

November 30, 2012

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Boomer breasts, while going about their daily business in relative obscurity, have nonetheless unwittingly become symbols of the general state of our world. The Breaking up of the Polar Ice Caps: The southward journey of the Boomer breast is symbolic of the sinking of the polar ice caps, but because it is located in a […]

Alienation

November 28, 2012

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    World events have been happening so quickly in the past week that, midway through my consumption of a sweet potato and marshmallow casserole, I seriously considered blowing off  the Post-Thanksgiving-Held-on-Actual-Thanksgiving Midnight Madness at the local Walmart in order to track events as they were unfolding. We shall begin with a discovery beneath the […]

Bimbos, Dildos, and Ho-Hos

November 19, 2012

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In an event even more shocking than the removal of a 9 inch dildo from the intestines of a 30-year-old man in Zhongshan, China, the Hostess Company, purveyors of food like substances since 1930, is shutting its doors.  No longer will chubby fingers be able to pull apart such nutrient-deficient but oh-so-fun products as Sno Balls, Devil […]

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