The Person Whisperer

Posted on May 7, 2011

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I’ve been sick for the past few days.  My vocalizations have become quite unique.  If Donald Trump’s hair could talk, this is the voice it would have.  I do a lot of whispering, so as to protect pregnant women and small children.  Here’s what I discovered: Whisper, and the world whispers with you.  Reveal your true voice, and large dogs bite your kneecaps. 

I had a settlement yesterday.  I asked the lawyer a question, and he whispered his answer.  Then he said, “Wait a minute.  I don’t have to whisper!”  I whispered, “That’s right.  You don’t.” Whereupon he continued to whisper. It was a long, and ultimately confusing settlement. The sellers still don’t know what happened. 

Yesterday, all of my children called to wish me a Happy Birthday.  I whispered to all of them.  Two whispered back.  One hung up, thinking we had a bad connection.  I’ll have the same thing to look forward to on Sunday, when they call me for Mothers Day. 

Today I went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription.  I handed it to the pharmacist and whispered “How long will that be?”  She whispered back, “Oh you poor thing.  Fifteen minutes. I hope you feel better soon.”

  For her sake and others,  I hope I do.

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Posted in: humor, illness, life, satire