Ouija Board: A Do-It-Yourself Seance

Posted on April 11, 2011

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Before reading this post, you need to set aside all judgments you have about psychics, paranormal activity, spirits, and Langhorne, PA. Keep an open mind, as we take a trip into The Land of That Which Cannot Be Explained But Neither Can Anything Else. 

Now Husband Dan and I spent the weekend visiting my cousin and her husband in Langhorne.  They live in a brand spanking new “Over 55” Community.  No creepy old houses anywhere.  “Tidy” is the operative word.  Except for Steven Spielberg movies, ghosts don’t like tidy spaces.  After dinner, my cousin pulled out the Ouija Board.  I hadn’t set eyes on a Ouija Board since the late sixties, and I couldn’t tell you if either the board or I was coherent enough back then to ask or answer any actual questions. 

I  placed my fingers so lightly on the pointer that they almost weren’t touching.  And I kept closing my eyes.  I wanted to have zero input on the outcome.  My cousin did the same. I’ll skip over the first five minutes, when the pointer refused to move.  No matter what we asked, it just sat there.  My cousin finally said “Well, nothing’s happening this evening.” At that moment, the pointer started to move.  Let’s write this again: The pointer started to move. 

For the next two hours, we asked questions, and the pointer zipped all over the board, answering.  After about an hour, it even identified itself: my deceased cousin Ben, who I never think about unless I am eating a sour pickle (He owned a deli). NHD and Linda’s husband sat and watched. It was pretty astonishing.

 In case you are wondering what two intelligent, politically aware women do when the answers to anything in the world are literally at the tips of their fingers, provided by a deceased all-knowing pastrami slinging spirit from Philly, here is the answer: They ask relatively meaningless questions.   I asked a lot of questions about my kids.  Linda did the same, but also added several questions about a kitchen renovation project she was considering.  Ben seemed as knowledgeable about countertops as he was about how many grandchildren I would ultimately have. 

During the entire two hours, we asked Ben the Chopped Liver King, only two questions of interest to anyone in the outside world: Would the EU break up (Of all the questions in the world, this is what NHD asked). Answer: Yes. I asked if Obama will be re-elected.  I’m proud of having asked the Obama question because Linda was, at that very moment, ready to grill Ben about cabinet choices, having by then covered countertops and flooring.  

Ben gave the answer about Obama twice (I asked twice, just to make absolutely sure he wasn’t screwing around with me).  I won’t reveal the answer here, because it would have profound implications for the fate of the entire world, and even more so for my fate as a potential political prognosticator.

Keep your eyes peeled for the EU thing.  And after the presidential election, I’ll let you know if Ben was right about Obama’s future.  Then I’ll let you know again in another 10 years if the grandchildren thing has worked out.  But if you want to know about Linda’s kitchen or if you have any opinions about cabinets, you’ll have to contact her directly.